Bacon: Food of the Gods
food February 6th, 2008
Whoever said chocolate is the food of the gods had it all wrong. We all know it’s juicy, sizzlily, fattening, lickity lips BACON!
How much do I love it? This weekend my family hosted a birthday party for our mother, held at my sister Marlene’s house. Marlene’s dog, Tootsie, is a great lover of Beggin’ Strips, a fake bacon doggie treat. She always gets one after she comes in from outside and I got the honor of doling one out when she pattered into the kitchen.
I grabbed the bag and pulled one out. Hmmmm…. Looks like bacon, smells like bacon. I wonder if it really tastes like bacon. As all of the partygoers stood around watching me study this artificial bacon strip, one thought came to mind: What would someone pay me to eat this thing?
Apparently nothing, because when I announced I would eat part of the strip for money, nobody pulled out a wallet. I suspect this is because they held no reservations that I’d actually eat the thing. I’m not sure what that means, but it’s probably not good.
Not in position to make any money, but still curious, I broke off a decent-sized chunk of it and began chomping away. And chomping, and chomping, and chomping some more. It’s no surprise I had such a hard time breaking it down to the point where I could swallow it.
Why? Because I’m convinced the ingredients that go into making a Beggin’ Strip are the same ingredients that go into making plastic. Did it taste like bacon? Not by a long shot. The closest thing it came to was unsalted beef jerky. Hard, juiceless, tasteless unsalty beef jerky. Do dogs have any taste buds at all? Can you really call this a treat?
Geez. Even Science Diet cat food tastes better than this. Oh, did I just say that out loud? OK, I did eat a pellet of cat food once, on a dare, and it tasted like granola. Quite good, to be honest.
So there you have it. If you’ve ever wondered what pet food tastes like, wonder no more. Oh? You never wondered what it tasted like? Must be just me. Consider yourself sane and well-balanced.
Now, if you love REAL bacon, you’ll like comedian Jim Gaffigan’s take on just what makes bacon the food of the gods.
UPDATE: Recently, this video was removed from YouTube with the following notice: This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by NBC Universal. Bastards! It was such a funny video. You’ll have to trust me.
Bacon lovers sizzle at Humor-Blogs.com.
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February 6th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Yeecch artificial bacon..real bacon is way better and should be done in a deep fat fryer for about a minute..good artery clogging stuff..:)))
robert bourne’s last blog post..A Place of Learning
February 6th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Oh, my GOD! That is hysterical. I’d love to have seen the looks on the people’s faces when they declined to pay you for what they knew you were going to do anyway.
Last night Dave told me I’d forgotten the most important ingredient in his healthy chicken stirfry: bacon. I sent him an email today assuring him I’d “baconed” his dinner. The subject of the email was “Chicken Stirfry Part 2: The Baconing.”
I wonder if he’d notice if I used Beggin Strips?
And cat food tastes like granola? Really? What about the canned stuff? Come on, I know you’ve sampled it!
Bippity Boppity BACON!
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February 6th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
LOL - I can’t believe you did that! My sister’s dog used to love those beggin strips…of course he also ate dog poo.
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February 6th, 2008 at 9:05 pm
I got the honor of doling…
At first I thought it said “drooling”, I guess I was partly right.
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February 6th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I’ve tried cat food. I admit !
The canned stuff is really tasteless ! I ate some in front of a horrified cat - who thought her lunch was going down the fat human instead !
The cat treats are not that bad - they just taste unsalted ! I wonder what they’ve got in them Kitties like so much ? Cat nip ?
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February 6th, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Hi Kathy,
Funny stuff as usual. Please visit my blog and find and award for you. -Mike.
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February 6th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
I have been veggie for quite a few years now but have to cook bacon at work and sometimes the smell does tempt me.
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February 7th, 2008 at 12:09 am
Ugh, ugh, ugh. I’ve heard of poor old people having to eat dog food because they don’t have enough to live on, but I can’t imagine eating pet food of my own volition — it smells nasty, too
Libertine’s last blog post..Distracted Ramblings
February 7th, 2008 at 6:07 am
Robert — And me without a deep fat fryer! I guess I’ll have to settle for “pre-cooked, microwavable,” which BTW, is a great invention. No fuss, no muss!
JD — The look was kind of like “There she goes!”
The Baconing…. priceless! I will not eat cat food in a can, I will not eat it, Sam I Am.
DrowseyMonkey — I’m convinced dogs would eat anything that didn’t bite them back.
StephanieC — Yeah, I might have drooled at first. The stuff does SMELL like bacon, but you know, with all the chemicals they put in processed food (human or otherwise), they can make anything smell like anything they want. It’s a scam.
Jaffer — You’re my hero. I hope you were compensated for your craziness.
Mr. Grudge — I’ll head right over!
Forest Parks — I have a vegetarian friend who says he still loves the smell of bacon. See? Food of the gods!
Libertine — That’s a myth. We all know they eat at McDonalds. Cheap meal and probably worse for you.
February 7th, 2008 at 8:49 am
Are you the little old lady who brings jelly salad with cat food it in to the Griswold’s at Christmas?
Or you may be my crazy Aunt who once tried to serve guests cat food as appetizers one time… she thought it was hilarious. My mother was appalled. I was about 5 and didn’t get to snack. Thank goodness.
You crazy people you….
Maureen’s last blog post..Twist And Shout
February 7th, 2008 at 9:12 am
As I was reading this story, I just knew you were going to take a bite. lol
It couldn’t hurt you and I bet your teeth are strong and sharp as ever!
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February 7th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Kathy, may I recommend Bacon Salt? www.baconsalt.com
I stumbled upon it last year and had to order some. It truly does make anything taste like bacon!
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February 7th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Kathy, you never fail to amaze me. Stealing your poor cat’s dinner! I spit Coke all over myself with that one.
One of my favorite snacks is a peanut butter, bacon and pickle sandwich.
Lee’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
February 7th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
You needed to make a horrible face and cry that you would never, ever eat that stuff. Then someone would have paid you.
And you should have recorded you eating it. Now that would make a great YouTube video!
Michael’s last blog post..Don’t Forget New Orleans
February 7th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Bacon is what prevents my salads from actually being healthy.
Momo Fali’s last blog post..Oprah Cliffs Notes
February 7th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Bacon…. mmmmmm…..
Yuuuuum.
I wonder if you can order bacon with extra bacon on top and a side of bacon with extra yummy bacon bits on the top?
February 7th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Maureen– I’ve seen Christmas Vacation a million times and that scene still grosses me out. Your aunt was indeed crazy. Pate anyone?
Natural Woman — Thankfully it didn’t crack a tooth. Can you imagine the dentist visit? “Um. I was eating a doggie treat when it happened.”
Susan — I love you. I’m ordering two of the Original flavor tonight. One for me, and one for my bacon-loving sister Ann.
Lee — That sounds like an Elvis snack. Wow. What a strange combination!
Michael — My sister Marlene tells me there is a picture of me doing it. It’s on CD and I haven’t looked at it yet. If it’s satisfactorily disgusting, I’ll post it.
Momo Fali — My salads are never healthy, bacon or not. You wouldn’t believe my dream salad. I described one in the comments of my recent “7 Weird Things About Me” post.
Regan — You’re young enough to actually eat that without it doing any damage. Go for it!
February 7th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
My sister and I used to play “restaurant” with Meow Mix, and we’d order based on color. The green ones were my favorite.
Marie’s last blog post..One Tough Cookie
February 7th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
interesting post, Kathy. Reminded me of my blogger friend Steve’s blog–
Scroll down and you’ll find Beggin’ Strips (would be a good name for a club employing shy dancers - “Please! Take your clothes off! Pleeeease!”)
Anyway, the line I remember from Steves’ taste test is something about that’s why dogs eat their own poop- to get rid of the aftertaste of Beggin’ Strips.
http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives/cat_steve_dont_eat_it.php
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February 7th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Well, I’ve long suspected that us Canadians were not alone in our love for bacon. And yes, we eat BACON - not ‘Canadian bacon’ as the myths would have you believe. It truly is the food of the gods. I’ve been tempted to try one of those strips before but I think I’ll pass now, given your review. I actually have ‘B.I.L.F’ shirts for sale on CafePress, or whatever it is called. I actually don’t think I’ve sold any yet but that is bringing bacon-love to whole new (disturbing) level. Love the post, love Gaffigan, love bacon. Cheers!
February 7th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Baconbaconbaconbaconbacon I SMELL BACON!!!
I must say I admire you for being so…so…so spontaneous. I’m not quite that insane.
And thanks for the Jim Gaffigan video. He’s one of my absolutely favorite comedians.
Jeff’s last blog post..Funny Business
February 8th, 2008 at 6:16 am
Marie — I’m intrigued. I wonder if Meow Mix tastes like Lucky Charms? Ooo! The pretty colors!
Terry — Thanks for that link. I remember seeing it once a few months ago. Wow, he’ll eat just about anything. He’s got some pretty nasty stuff on that page. It makes me feel quite normal by comparison.
Canucklehead — I knew you’d like this post, given your unhealthy love of bacon. I’ve considered buying your R-rated merchandise, but it might not be suitable for the office. Thanks for buying a spot a Top Spot! And I like the idea of the giveaway on your blog. I should do that, too.
Jeff — Have you seen Jim Gaffigan’s Hot Pocket routine? I tried to get in a couple sips of coffee watching that and just couldn’t do it. Didn’t want coffee coming out my nose.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Oh yeah, I watch him any time he’s on. That routine is hysterical.
Gaffigan’s a riot. I love the way he constantly breaks into a 3rd person whisper… “how many jokes is he going to do about bacon?”
Also, have you seen his Pale Force cartoons? Good stuff.
Jeff’s last blog post..Funny Business
February 8th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Jeff — Thanks for turning me on to Pale Force. I’d never heard of it, but I’ve not been watching Conan much. Otherwise I’d have caught it. Garrigan’s delivery is the best. “… my greasy lover bacon…”
February 8th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
“Bacon, my greasy lover.” YES.
Oh I never heard of that, “Pale Force.” He *is* a pale force, isn’t he?
Tell me, Kathy, how many pieces of bacon does it take to satisfy your breakfast plate? I need at least five or six, to feel like I had a taste.
What with the shrinkage and all.
cardiogirl’s last blog post..I win! I beat Britney, Justin and Delta to the Psych Ward!
February 8th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I must have at least four pieces. Oh man. My mouth is watering just writing this. My husband called me just now to discuss the “Bacon Breakfast” he’s planning tomorrow. All this bacon talk, we might be having bacon and eggs, bacon and sausage, bacon and hash browns, and bacon on the side. Oh, for the love of bacon I need some bacon.
February 8th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
thanks for the great read…..hope you don’t mind if I blogroll you, I’d love to visit more.
nameless’s last blog post..2-6-08
February 8th, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Your curiosity knows no bounds. I once had an office co-worker that thought the home made dog treats that someone brought in for Christmas were cookies and ate a couple. She said they tasted rather bland and salty. When we found out she had been eating home made dog biscuits…..we never let her live it down until she finally retired.
Bruce’s last blog post..Travels With Casper
February 8th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Now we know who REALLY brings home the bacon in your household.
We use Turkey Bacon as a substitute, do to the fact that our 3 yr. old eats 6+ strips when we make it. It’s really very good. I prefer it over real bacon (I know. Sacrilege!).
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February 8th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
nameless — Glad you liked it, and I would love to have a spot in your blogroll. Thanks! Incidentally, I have an itch spot too! It’s on the left side of my neck. Had it for a few years. Never knew others had itch spots. Thought I was just weird.
Bruce — God bless your co-worker who kept on eating the dog biscuits. Too funny!
BigNerd — Bought 4 packages tonight (microwavable) and as a bonus, they were on sale. Kathy very happy. Turkey bacon is a fine substitute, though I have trouble finding it in my store. Bacon is almost all the same, ‘cept for doggie treats, of course.
February 8th, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Tell your grocer to start stocking the turkey bacon - or else you’ll cut backon your beggin’ strip consumption.
Try the t-bacon in the skillet. Smells great and cooks up nice and straight too! I’ve got myself all worked up into a morning breakfast frenzy and its only 9:25pm!
BigNerd’s last blog post..Share Your Firefox Extensions with CLEO
February 9th, 2008 at 8:30 am
Hi! At least you’re still around to tell this unfortunate but funny story. They say, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Now, I hope you don’t start “barking up the wrong tree” as a result of this misadventure. Take care of those teeth!
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February 9th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Great story - kept me in stitches from beginning to end.
Have a nice day.
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February 9th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
BigNerd — I had a grilled cheese and bacon sandwich for lunch today. Died and went to heaven.
Peter — Yeah, but what doesn’t kill you could still get your stomach pumped. I wonder how many treats I’d have to eat to actually get sick. Woof!
Swubird — It was the greasiest story I’ve ever written.
February 10th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Hi, Kathy! I love your blog. Funny, funny stuff. I’m so glad my mom passed it on to me.
I buy Beggin’ Strips for my dog once in a while. Every time I open the bag I stick my nose in real deep and take a huge sniff. They smell SO GOOD.
I’ve almost taken a nibble myself on more than one occassion.
Jen P’s last blog post..(Almost) All About Lila!
February 10th, 2008 at 7:26 pm
Jen P — And same to you. I enjoy reading the adventures of Gage and Lila! I know what you mean about the smell. It’s intoxicating. Stick with just smelling ‘em though. The taste would disappoint you.
February 13th, 2008 at 4:46 am
OMG that made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. (Almost)… I can’t believe you’ve eaten cat food and a dog treat! FAB-U-LOUS. You’re my new hero.
Corrina’s last blog post..Waste Time With Me!
February 13th, 2008 at 5:52 am
Corrina — I have my limits. Those people who’ll eat bugs on Survivor for a chance at a million dollars? They’d have to up the anty to, say, $10M for me to even think about it.
February 13th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
I was pretty sure I really liked your site until I came across this post. Now I am sure I love it!
Anyone that supports Jim Gaffigan is a friend of mine.
Like Canucklehead said, us Canadians eat real bacon, grease and all.
Tim E.’s last blog post..When I Was Your Age
March 4th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Great story - very funny. I always wondered if the beggin’ strips tasted like bacon, but never quite had the nerve to try. Thanks for the smile.
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March 4th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Tim E. — Sorry I didn’t get back to you before. I’m a little bummed. NBC apparently holds copyright for those Jim Gaffigan YouTube videos. They aren’t available anymore. I loved to play them every now and again. “My greasy lover bacon!”
Joe Poniatowski — I have the nerve for a lot of things. Weird things. So check back sometime. You never know what I’ll try next.
March 6th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I should also like to mention that WE Canadians eat bacon. And some of US Canadians are also capable of using the words “we” and “us” appropriately.
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March 6th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
That’s an interesting point, Ernie. I only know a couple United States Canadians, so I’m not sure how they communicate. But back home in Alberta, we shore do cook up a fine mess o’ bacon! Yee-ha!
Tim E.’s last blog post..29th Annual Red Deer Home Show, Farm and Acreage Show
June 5th, 2008 at 2:26 pm
i wonder what is the differenced is between american bacon and canadian bacon is