When Practical Jokes Go Bad
Fun, cats March 29th, 2008Among the qualities I wish I was blessed with is the ability to tell jokes. Can’t do it. I’d have to read from a card to get it right, and somehow I think cue cards detract from the hilarity, don’t you think?
“A duck, a nun and a priest walk into a bar…” Wait, wait! “It was a dog, a nun and a priest.” Oh, poo! That’s not it! Let me check my cards. Yeah, real smooth.
I’m a little better at practical jokes. I once kidnapped a Chia Pet Turtle from an office I used to work in, took pictures of it — blindfolded — and then sent pictures back to my officemates with a ransom note that I had a friend mail from out-of-state while she was visiting family. The note was made from letters I cut out from magazines and newspapers and was signed “The CLA” (Chia Liberation Army). Ahhh, good times.
The last joke I tried to play was on my husband, Dave. My niece gave me a stuffed black cat that looked like our kitty Shadow. Attempting to scare up some fun, I put it in Dave’s car, attached to the steering wheel. He usually leaves for work fairly bleary-eyed, and I thought it might be fun to give him a heart attack. It didn’t. He thought I was lame, but gave me an “A” for effort.
A few days went by and I thought I’d try to scare him again by sticking the cat in the dinnerware cupboard. He went in for a plate that night, gave me a weak shoulder shrug and blessed my little heart for trying.
I gave up my quest to scare him with the cat, forgot all about it, then came home to find this when I went to heat something for dinner.
Don’t do this to someone you love because they just might die on you.
When I opened the door and found the cat in the microwave, I let out the kind of scream that comes from deep within. A scream that surprises you because you never knew you could make that sound. A scream that is followed by a punch to the husband.
My heart did not stop beating fast for about five minutes. There were no laughs. I was mad at Dave for a day. Yeah, I love a good practical joke. Except when it’s played on me.
Anyone pull off a Class A stunt and not get punched for it? I need some recommendations because I haven’t gotten back at Dave yet.
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March 29th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
being a joker myself I shall have to remember those…:)))
robert bourne’s last blog post..Somebody ’splain
March 29th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
I did put a rather realistic looking spider on my sisters shoulder once but couldn’t go through with it in case the shock killed her! After that she left it all over the house for days for me to come across ha ha!
We kept it for months as a sort of pet - hoping it might help our fear of the real thing. It didn’t work!
babs (Simplycats)’s last blog post..Alphabet Tag
March 29th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I can’t tell a joke either and I’m not one for practical jokes but a friend of mine years ago wired the brake lights of his friend’s car to the horn so that every time the guy touched the brakes, the horn blared. He followed him home and watched him trying to avoid the breaks.
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March 29th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Dave is my hero!! It takes a special person to take someone’s practical joke and turn it back on them! I’m laughing myself silly here! That’s great.
About a year ago I was traveling between Raleigh and Greenville, SC. On one trip home I stopped for lunch in Kannapolis, NC. The significance is Dale Earnhardt, Jr. was living in Kannapolis at the time, and my wife is a huge Dale, Jr. fan.
When I got home, I told my wife about stopping at the Wendy’s in Kannapolis, and oh, by the way, guess who I saw there? Why, it was Dale, Jr. himself! She was going crazy with excitement, and I added, “I got a picture of him with my camera phone.”
She was just about peeing herself with excitement when I showed her a picture of the poster hanging on the wall at Wendy’s with Dale on it. I didn’t lie. My exact words were, “I saw Dale Earnhardt, Jr. in Wendy’s in Kannapolis.” And I did.
My arm ached for three days.
March 29th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
For the first time in my life, I wish I had a cat.
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March 29th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
I still think the funniest thing to do is to hide and quietly wait for the most opportune moment to jump out and scare that unsuspecting family member. I laugh out loud at the memories of doing this simple, basic act.
I also have this post which might rattle your cage as well: http://mizmell.blogspot.com/2007/10/ghosts-from-days-gone-by.html
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March 30th, 2008 at 2:20 am
Points to Dave, that is a brilliant practical joke.
Riayn’s last blog post..By: magneto bold too
March 30th, 2008 at 2:22 am
I just bought an “Annoy-a-tron”, a little device you can hide which lets out a very anoying beep at a random point every 4-6 minutes.
I plan to drive my office insane with it on Monday
Dan’s last blog post..Gravatars
March 30th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Let’s start a Dave fan club - “Dave’s cult of Practical Jokers”
March 30th, 2008 at 3:32 am
I’ve got a funny one for you. First you need an Ivory Dish soap bottle…
http://www.ehow.com/images/GlobalPhoto/Articles/2101257/ivory-dish-soap-25-ozFull_Full.jpg
…or other similar bottle that has a flip-top opening that isn’t plugged in any way when you open it. It also needs to be at least an opaque bottle, you don’t want to be able to see in it. Next you need a long white string. Knot the string on one end and drop it inside the clean dry bottle, thread the other end up through the lid, screw the lid on and knot the other end of the string so it won’t pull back into the bottle. Now, have some fun. While preparing to do dishes, trip and “sqirt soap” all over (insert name) and watch them jump. If you get the string just the right size and the bottle squeezes easy you can get it to suck the string back in, ready for the next victim. This can also be done with certain condiment bottles and colored string.
Moonshadow’s last blog post..I Love My New Camera
March 30th, 2008 at 5:43 am
robert bourne — Just remember, you want to keep the jokees alive.
babs (Simplycats) — Spiders, real or fake, are the worst! I’ve got a thing about bugs. Dave knows not to try that on me or he’s a dead man.
windyridge — Creative and cruel! I can just hear the honking at every stop sign. Genius.
Lee — Excellent! You’re a real wisenheimer. You deserved a punch
Momo Fali — The cat now sits in a little-used room on a chair. Every now and then it scares me. It’s evil.
Mizmell — I’m forever jumping out of my seat at work when co-workers round the corner at my partition. I’m thinking they need to wear a bell. Just watched the video on that ghost post. You got me. Got me good. You’re next on my list.
Riayn — I think I need to rig something to happen while he’s in the shower. That’s a nice vulnerable place to be in. Hmmm, wheels are in motion…
Dan — Oh, lovely. Sounds like something that’ll have your office mates hating you by Monday afternoon. That is, if they find out you’re the culprit. I won’t tell.
Jaffer — Hey, how ’bout some pity for me? I have to live with the guy.
Moonshadow — Ooooo! I likie! Of course, I’d have to practice not killing myself while I do the trip part. I love this idea!
March 30th, 2008 at 9:09 am
I have to confess: I’m such a bad sport when it comes to practical jokes played on me that I can’t bring myself to do it to anyone else.
Just from that picture, the cat looks so realistic! I’d have had a heart attack from that . . . “followed by a punch to the husband” (hilarious).
He got you good, all right.
JD’s last blog post..I Have a Crush on a Cartoon so you don’t have to
March 30th, 2008 at 9:24 am
I’m too impatient for practical jokes and always want the victim to hurry up and step into it. If I was Dave I’d probably screw it up by saying, “Hey Kath… don’t you need to microwave something?”
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March 30th, 2008 at 9:38 am
I’ll never forget the joke that my brother played on me when we were kids. He placed a life-like arm under my bed, leaving half of it exposed. Upon seeing it, I screamed bloody murder. Never been the same since.
March 30th, 2008 at 2:09 pm
Oh, I remember that cat. It looks alive. And I’ll tell you if I think of any good practical jokes!
Oh! And didja hear the one about the guy who walked into a bar? He said, “Ow” Ahahahaha!
March 30th, 2008 at 2:10 pm
Kathy,
In the shower, tape some of the colored bath tablets that kids use to have bathtime fun to the shower head (or better yet get it inside the head. When the water hits it it will turn the color of the tab. Should freak him out.
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March 30th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
good one Regan.
Rattln Along’s last blog post..It is Easter!
March 30th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
JD — The cat is freakish. It’s very loose in the joints and you can position it any way you want. That’s what makes it perfect for joking around. Except with me…
Jeff — I was dying for Dave to open the cupboard that time I was trying to scare him. I know he must’ve wondered “Why is she hovering in the kitchen?” Maybe my lame technique tipped him off. Or, I’m just lame.
ann of the shampoo bag — I’m so depressed. I used to have a fake leg and sold it at a yard sale! That thing was the best. Used to stick it in closets, under beds, etc. I always wanted to hang it out of a car trunk. Is that going too far?
Regan — How dumb would you think I was if I told you I didn’t get that joke right away? I thought so. Good one!
Rattln Along — Oh, I need to do that! I’m guessing blood red is a good color to try first time out?
March 30th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
A good one if you have children and goldfish, is to hide a baton of carrot in your hand, walk up to the goldfish bowl and say something like, ‘Goldfish my favourite snack’, stick your hand in the bowl, pull it out, and then eat the carrot…. endless fun…. if slightly traumatised children.
tfa’s last blog post..Barmy Statements And The BBC
March 30th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Oh and jokes that went wrong - when I was at college, we watched the film Carrie and at the end when the hand shoots out of the grave, I touched the arm of the girl in front - she hyperventilated for about half an hour and I felt pretty bad.
tfa’s last blog post..Barmy Statements And The BBC
March 30th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
So I saw the photo before I read the post and my mouth dropped open! OMG that was HILARIOUS. I know you don’t think so… But trust me- it was. Unfortunately, I lack practical joke skills, so I don’t have anything funny to report.
Corrina’s last blog post..Am I Playing Baseball Here?
March 30th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Ha! Good one Dave!!! (and good joke, Regan!)
I think you should scare him by telling him that yes, you have in fact finally caved and signed up with the Neilson people. Wire up your TV and watch the hilarity ensue!
Maureen’s last blog post..Turning Out The Lights
March 30th, 2008 at 10:54 pm
Is that a real cat? It looks real! lol @ the sound you make that surprises you! Geeze, what’s April fool’s day gonna be like around your house?
DrowseyMonkey’s last blog post..Earth Hour
March 30th, 2008 at 11:53 pm
Oh Maureen, That is classic!! No need to wire up the TV. Just say that they are coming out on such and such date and have one of your friends come over at that time and ring the doorbell. You should get a good “gotcha” out of that.
March 31st, 2008 at 12:27 am
Well, not so much practical jokes as stunts.
-’Selling’ a friends house. We put a for sale sign in their front yard. It read “For Sale By Friend. Inquire inside.”
-Selling a friend’s tree. “Tree For Sale, good sturdy roots, solid core. (leaves sold separately) call 555-2344 for price”
-Filling a friend’s front yard with 73 local election signs one night. That one took a few days of preparation….lol
-Moving everything in the backyard up against the back patio door, making the only way for them to go back there to clear the door again was to go through the garage door on the far side, scale the fence, and remove all objects. When we did this, we didn’t realize the husband had broken his leg the day before and ended up having to do all of this w/a big luggy boot brace on. We felt bad about that when we found out the next day, really.
…this was all done to the same family, actually.
Our next attack is going by their house one afternoon while they are at work. We’ll be dying their Pomeranian blue. We are just waiting until we find something that we know won’t harm the dog, and will wash out with just a couple of days.
You would think this family would have taken away our spare key by now….lol.
March 31st, 2008 at 2:44 am
My friend’s little bro put a stuffed rat (it looked SO real under her pillow). She screamed and cried for a VERY long time. And a little bro was punished. But said it was worthy!
Something for Dave (though it can be a bit evil, he-he) - put some valerian info his bag, pocket, whatever. Cats will chase after him all day long!
Kiss dont Miss’s last blog post..Going Dutch - Yes or No
March 31st, 2008 at 6:01 am
tfa — Love the carrot trick. Reminds me of that great Carson bit with the chip lady. Do you know I still freak when the Carrie arm comes out of the ground, even though I’m prepared for it?
Corrina — It’s all about context. Out of the microwave, cute. Inside hiding, um, no.
Maureen — Oh, now there’s a good one. I could hire a technician friend to come over with a toolbelt and lots of equipment with flashing lights. I don’t want to kill him, though.
DrowseyMonkey — I’m going to be very cautious tomorrow. I wouldn’t put it past Dave to get me again on April Fool’s Day. Can’t get too comfortable around here.
Rattln Along — It’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. So I could possibly get him to believe me if I said I had second thoughts about not being a Nielsen family. Of course, for all the ruckus I made about Nielsen, he’d probably have me committed.
kara — You are as cruel as you are creative. I love it!!! I like how you think. I’m not sure I’d leave a key to my house, but I like how you think!
Kiss dont Miss — I bet he thought it was worth it! The way to get me would be with fake bugs. But then all practical jokes around here would come to a screeching halt. And there’d be a divorce in Dave’s future. Re: the valerian, cats are all over him anyway. He’s a regular Pied Piper.
March 31st, 2008 at 6:16 am
Several years ago, I had a group of friends that loved to pull practical jokes on each other. The best one was when a couple took out an ad in the local paper advertising a garage sale at one of the other couple’s house. The ad said the sale started at 5:30 am on Saturday and that if the garage door wasn’t open yet to be sure to ring the doorbell. When that couple was jarred out of bed at 5:30 that Saturday morning there were fourteen or fifteen cars parked in front of their house looking for the garage sale. The other couple had even gone out the night before and put up yard signs pointing the way.
March 31st, 2008 at 7:48 am
I can’t tell jokes well, either.
I do love me some practical jokes.
I once bought a small fake marijuana plant on eBay, took it to the big one-room office where I worked, and put it up on a high filing cabinet near the window. It was quite visible, but high enough that one couldn’t tell it wasn’t real.
My company was fairly lenient, but not so much they’d allow me to grow weed in our communal workspace. My boss and co-workers were young and hip — but not so hip that they’d admit to recognizing the 5 pointed leaves as pot.
As soon as everyone gathered for our every-morning meeting, they started asking eachother “where did that plant come from?”. I told them a client, an old lady, had given it to me.
“She called it ‘cannibal saliva’ or something. It’s supposed to bring creativity and happiness.”
The fake plant stayed for weeks; I even pretended to water it. Then one day, it was gone! My boss said it had wilted and died.
the bagel of everything’s last blog post..12 things I hate about being a serial killer
March 31st, 2008 at 8:01 am
When I was in college my grandmother gave me this flashlight that, if the wrist strap was pulled out, emitted and ear-splitting alarm. (I also got mace from my grandma. She’s an anxious lady.) We snuck into a friend’s room, taped the alarm/light to the floor, and tied the wrist strap to the doorknob, so the ‘pin’ would be pulled when she got home and opened the door. We hid in my room with the light off, laughing with our faces mashed into pillows as we listened to the blaaap blaap blaap blaap BLAAP BLAAP BLAAP blaap blaap as she ran by my room with the thing, trying to figure out how to turn it off. Silence. Then the muffled sound of it beeping as she ran across the quad cluthing it rather desperately folded into a pillow, then back into the dorm. She finally figured out how to shut it off around the time we were hyperventilating from laughing so much. Good times.
Shieldmaiden96’s last blog post..(insert profanity here)
March 31st, 2008 at 10:23 am
here’s a really simple one to play on your husband…and there’s no way he can turn it on you… purchase a pregnancy test, put the lines on it (or whatever) that indicates a positive result… leave it on the bathroom counter or back of the toilet.
March 31st, 2008 at 10:56 am
I don’t do them (much) anymore, but a classic was when I was a kid and my truly evil best friend and I called some people at random, (but jotted down the phone numbers). These were the days of paper grocery bags (making a comeback) but I digress…So anyway, we called up a few people and told them we were a certain grocery store and we were having a contest for a trip to Hawaii. The lucky participant was to collect as many paper bags as possible and bring them to the store where the winner with the most bags would get the trip. Some people hung up on us, but…a few did not and with ensuing call backs we could hear bags rustling, panicked dashing about and yelling back and forth …and we gave them a time limit of 5 P.M. Really evil, we were, for we did not call them back to tell them it was a joke and being kids, we never got to see them show up at the store with their cartload of bags (can’t just say, “Hey Mom, can you drive us to Dominion down in Clarkson (about 5 miles away) so we can watch the chaos go down? Nope.) We laughed ourselves to tears thinking about it, but of course, the guilt consumed me after a while and I made a clean breast of it at the confessional.
Kat
Poetikat’s last blog post..Elegy for a singer’s youth
March 31st, 2008 at 12:30 pm
hey Kathy,
Wow - not a practical joker kinda guy myself, but man, those are funny.
rock on,
aitch
March 31st, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Lee — Oh, I just love this one. I’m picturing the jammed up street and bleary-eyed people answering the door at an ungodly hour. Fantastic!
the bagel of everything — Awesome! I would love to have seen the looks on their faces. What? They won’t let you grow pot in your office? I hope you quit and moved onto “greener” pastures.
Shieldmaiden96 — Oh, man. I know about those things. Thought of buying one last summer for when my sisters and I walk along a semi-remote walking path. Afraid to buy it for fear it’ll go off at the wrong time, and I’ll be running around and freaking out just like your friend. Oh, that’s some funny stuff! . Silence. Then the muffled sound of it beeping as she ran across the quad clutching it rather desperately folded into a pillow I’m still laughing…
Mandy — Thought of that, but it has to be something that won’t mean I have to take him to the ER.
Poetikat — Oh, how the kid brain works! “Bless me father, for I have sinned. I ruined the day for a lot of people.” Actually, if one of those people has a blog now, they probably wrote about it. Think of it as having given someone blog fodder. It’s all good.
Harris Bloom — Welcome aboard. I’ve been laughing my head off reading these comments. The Junk Drawer has the funniest readers, so do come back. They don’t disappoint. I might, but they won’t!
April 1st, 2008 at 11:08 am
For quick and dirty there is always unscrewing the top of the salt shaker so that it all spills out onto their food…..crude, but effective in a pinch.
Bruce’s last blog post..Essential Cinema - 23
April 1st, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Kara, blue jello works great and is non-toxic!
April 1st, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Bruce — You know, that’s classic, but I’ve never done it. I always remember they showed someone doing that at the beginning of Happy Days.
Nancy — Spoken like a woman who’s done it?
April 3rd, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Ok, my current favorite at work is to stop by someone’s pc, go to google, click preferences, and under language select Elmer Fudd. (weawwy, it’s thewe!) As I work in IT, I then get the calls about Google being broken..LOL!
There there is the black tape on the bottom of the optic mouse..remove the track ball from a regular mouse..I have done the Aluminum foil office, but that took HOURS! have saran wrapped the front of a cube then filled it with packing peanuts..
Back in my college days, my freshman year our dorm had hall bathrooms, so I went around and put vaseline on all the door knobs. So when people woke up, went to the bathroom, they couldn’t get back in their room! Esp funny for those who dashed out in just their underwear, or coming back from the shower in a towel.
Oh, and shower tricks..for all your shampoo that has a screw off cap, take the cap off, cover the opening with saran wrap, put the cap back on. Actually had someone explode the bottle squeezing..
I take the 5th on everything else I did.
April 4th, 2008 at 2:01 am
Kathy, your practical joke with the Chia pet is the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!!! I am still laughing after reading all these comments. Thank you for the story.
I am very bad at telling practical jokes or jokes. I can be funny, just not when I try to tell jokes.
Holly Kay’s last blog post..My Husband Didn’t Know Who Angelina Jolie Is
April 4th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Co-worker told us his friend loves to play practical jokes on her husband. He’s sensitive about going bald, so one morning she cut the hair off a doll and quietly placed the clippings on his pillow so he’d see it when he woke up; same morning - she coated a bar of soap with clear nail polish so he couldn’t soap up in the shower.
April 4th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Shadowsrider — OK, you just taught me something fun I can do with Google. Never knew that. The vaseline trick, oh, that’s wicked! I’m interested in the packing peanuts thing. I’m considering filling my co-worker’s office with blown up balloons, but I would need a lot of help with that. But you’ve given me encouragement to keep the thought. Sounds like a blast!
Holly Kay — I wish I still had the pictures and the letter. I would have posted them. My office mates went crazy for a month while the trick was being played. I sat near them and it was a hoot to hear them the day the ransom letter arrived. They got a huge kick out of it when I admitted it was me. They were a little afraid of me, though, afterwards.
Marlene — The hair one is cruel, but I do love the soap thing. Brilliant!
April 5th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Google also has Pig Latin and Klingon..someone at Google has waaaay to much time on their hands.
April 8th, 2008 at 9:06 am
That made me laugh OUT LOUD but I did not spit coffee out me nose because I had just emptied my cup. Good on you, luv.
Jenny’s last blog post..Paint The Town Edamame
April 9th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Shadowsrider — And to be paid to do it, no less!
Jenny — It’s freaky, isn’t it? Even out of the microwave, there’s something “not right” about that cat.
September 16th, 2008 at 12:50 am
Haha very creative/funny! I might have to think up some
Thanks for sharing, Nick
September 17th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Jokes — Use it if you want. Just be sure you’re prepared to take someone to the ER if they go into cardiac arrest!
November 9th, 2008 at 10:34 pm
That’s pretty funny. I usually scared my wife with something funny and made her mad at me.
November 10th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Busby — Generally, the madder your wife gets, the better the prank!