The Junk Drawer

There’s been a meme floating around the interwebs lately. Instructions are to locate the sixth photo in the sixth picture folder on your PC and write about it.

Mine is a very sad picture:

But that’s not a sad picture, Kathy! It’s a cute birdie!

No, it’s a dead birdie. See? There in the corner.

He sat on the chair a while, then crawled over in the corner sometime that night, chirped his last chirp and fell fast asleep. Forever.

I’m just glad little birdie found comfort under our artificial Christmas tree we’re too lazy to put in the garage. Oh, and the dog dish? We don’t have a dog. Discuss.

This is a recipe for my world famous Serviceable Post. It’s what you get when I only have tidbits that don’t make real posts. Consider it the casserole of blogging.

Combine all ingredients in a word processor on medium speed and let sit. Time to prepare: 30 minutes. Serves everyone.

Ingredients:

1 observation: I have a new man in my life. His name is Brawny. I always thought Brawny paper towels were like Bounty’s little brother who always stood in its shadow. I was wrong. Thick and strong, these manly paper towels can stand up to any mess and then some. Brawny, I’m sorry I never gave you a chance until now. Forgive me?

1 question: Every morning when I get in my car to drive to work, I have to raise the rear-view mirror. When I leave work, I have to lower it. I’ve read our spines can elongate as much as an inch overnight while sleeping. I’m guessing this is why all the readjusting. Do you have to do this too, or am I the only one with a yo-yo spine?

1 celebrity sighting: A friend of mine got in line behind Paul Sorvino at the grocery store last night and got up the nerve to talk to him. She’s still kicking herself for saying she loved him in the TV comedy Still Standing. He’s thinking What? No Goodfellas?

A pinch of stupid: I bought a thin baguette at the store yesterday, still warm and crispy out of the oven. I carried it to the checkout register under my arm, it broke in half and the top part fell out of the bag and onto the floor in front of about twenty people.

A clerk was summoned to get me a new one and when he brought it over said with a wink "The crust is really crisp. Be careful." I guess my guns are stronger than I thought. Apparently you do not want to mess with me.

 2 gloves: My husband’s had a cold for a week and is trying not to get his germ-ridden fingers on anything I touch. Thanks, dear. But isn’t it hard to type like that?

By the way, I’ve been downing Airborne tablets like I do whenever I’m around sick people. I know the FDA says it’s a crock of poo, but I haven’t had a cold in almost five years. Coinkydink? I think snot.

I work on a college campus. If you have kids in college located in a city where it snows in winter, I’ve got some helpful advice.

Your kids need pants. Particularly the boys.

See, it’s been like 10 degrees for the last week, and yet I’ve seen at least four students walking around campus in shorts.

Any kid smart enough to attend the university where I work is smart enough to know about hypothermia.

So the only reason for this insanity is that you haven’t been sending them enough pants. They need a care package, pronto!

Oh, and send socks, too. I saw a kid yesterday wearing flip flops.

If you want to know what else your kids are doing at college, ask me. I’ve seen everything. Strike that. You don’t want to know.

Today marks the 300th day that our bag Windy has been stuck in the tree outside my building at work. I’ll have you know I braved single-digit temperatures and an intense fear of heights to get this shot.

No one is surprised anymore to see me out on the roof. I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

Enjoy!

Don’t ever let me judge a contest of any kind. Yesterday’s What’s That Wednesday drew three guesses that were so close to being correct that I’ve decided to award prizes to all of them. Hell, if I could afford it, you’d all win!

The object pictured was the top of a salt grinder.

Here’s how the winning answers came in:

Michelle of Hartz Design guessed it was a pepper grinder. Got the grinder right, wrong seasoning.

Kev at Special Kind of Stupid guessed it was a salt shaker. Got the right seasoning, wrong container.

Laurelei of Maybe It’s Me guessed exactly right that it’s a salt grinder.

I’ll contact all of you shortly to see what prize you’d like. Since none of you use Entrecard, you can pick either a Junk Drawer magnet or the mystery prize, which may or may not be a goat.

For this contest, I’m also awarding a prize to Ken of Ken Armstrong Writing Stuff because I thought he had the best wrong answer: a spool on a VHS tape.

Thanks to everyone who played!

Crappity crap crap. Writer’s block strikes again!

This is bad because it means you’re getting a What’s That? Wednesday so soon after the last one. But it’s good for me because I don’t have to do any thinkin’ or writin’ and stuff. Muh head hurts when I do that.

How to play:

1. The photo shows a small portion of a larger object.

2. First person to guess the object it’s a part of wins either 500 Entrecard credits, a Junk Drawer magnet, or a mystery prize!

Yes, just like Let’s Make a Deal, you can opt for what’s behind Door #2. Careful, though. It might be a goat. And he’ll be real angry going through the mail. Choose wisely if you win!

OK, so what is it?

CONTEST CLOSED: Find out what it is and see who won!

I’ve been sitting here, what? Three years, three winters, and someone finally realizes I might be cold? I shouldn’t complain. At least someone thought to give me the scarf. It’s soft and beautiful, but a blanket and butt-warmer are really what I need.

I also can’t turn my head, my legs are killing me and my sciatica is really acting up. Beyond the pain, I’m extremely bored looking at these few squares in the pavement. For three days in the fall, I stared at a wet leaf that just wouldn’t blow away. Drove me insane.

Last winter when a guy cleared snow, he almost ripped my foot off with the plow. Easy, dude. I live here!

My nose runs a lot in this weather and I know you can’t really see my purse, but there are Kleenex in there that I’ve been dying to get at. They’re so close, yet so far.

Two nice ladies walked by me today and took my picture. I wish they would have sat down and talked to me because, twenty feet away, this is my permanent company. He’s been asking me out for a year. Why am I a creep magnet?

Hi! I’m a dork.

Blogger’s Note: Click here to see reader Richard Wall’s wonderful interactive panoramic view of this location.

I had to cash a check today. To have everything ready at the bank, I pulled my driver’s license out of my wallet and slipped it into the side pocket of my purse with the check.

When I got to the drive-thru window, I dropped the check and my driver’s license in the plastic tube and waited for it to come zipping back to me with my cash.

When I got home, I took out the bills and fished for my driver’s licence to put back in my wallet. My license fell out — but so did something else. My doctor’s appointment reminder card for my next gynecological visit.

I’m sure the bank teller was pleased to be informed that I have an 8:30 appointment at St. Luke’s Professional Building on August 9th, 2009 for my annual exam.

I’m just glad I sent the license with it. I’m pretty sure you can’t cash checks with a card from your OB/GYN.

God.

I’ve punished you long enough. Yesterday’s What’s That? challenge elicited 83 responses and I couldn’t keep the contest going any longer, especially because we had a winner at Comment #36.

Stephanie Barr of the Rocket Science blog guessed correctly that the hole is an ink well from an antique desk.

Stephanie, you have a very good eye! I’ll be in touch shortly about your prize!

This partial row of desks is probably over 60 years old. It came from my old grade school. When they were renovating in the 70s, they said anyone could come and cart them away.

They sat in my parents house for a good 20 years before they were finally moved to my own home, where they sit gathering dust in the basement.

Among my grade school nightmares is one involving these desks. I will never forget the day a kid in front of me vomited all over himself and his seat.

The teacher took the vomit-dripping lad to a restroom for a hose down, while the rest of us students sat in the stanky room for a while until the janitor came to clean up the mess.

What annoyed me most was that I was asked to help clean it up. Why? Why me? Because I had the misfortune of sitting behind a kid who couldn’t hold down his lunch?

To this day, I can remember the smell of the vomit and the smell of the salts that were sprinkled on top of it to soak it up. Thanks for the memories, St. Jane’s Catholic School of the Vomiting Children.

Got an easy What’s That? post for you today. I thought I’d be nice and not tax your brains too hard on a Sunday.

You know the drill:

1. The photo shows a small portion of a larger object.

2. First person to guess the object it’s a part of wins either 500 Entrecard credits or a Junk Drawer magnet, your choice.

CONTEST CLOSED: Click here for the winning entry!