The Lady on the Bench
Bizarre, Fun January 10th, 2009
I’ve been sitting here, what? Three years, three winters, and someone finally realizes I might be cold? I shouldn’t complain. At least someone thought to give me the scarf. It’s soft and beautiful, but a blanket and butt-warmer are really what I need.
I also can’t turn my head, my legs are killing me and my sciatica is really acting up. Beyond the pain, I’m extremely bored looking at these few squares in the pavement. For three days in the fall, I stared at a wet leaf that just wouldn’t blow away. Drove me insane.
Last winter when a guy cleared snow, he almost ripped my foot off with the plow. Easy, dude. I live here!
My nose runs a lot in this weather and I know you can’t really see my purse, but there are Kleenex in there that I’ve been dying to get at. They’re so close, yet so far.
Two nice ladies walked by me today and took my picture. I wish they would have sat down and talked to me because, twenty feet away, this is my permanent company. He’s been asking me out for a year. Why am I a creep magnet?
Hi! I’m a dork.
Blogger’s Note: Click here to see reader Richard Wall’s wonderful interactive panoramic view of this location.
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January 10th, 2009 at 7:04 am
Interesting pieces. I like the Dork actually.
Jaffer’s last blog post..Mellow Yellow Monday #1
January 10th, 2009 at 7:21 am
What’s that thing in the dork’s hand? A remote stun laser that turned the lady into stone?
Dude, I hate to break it to you, but she’s just not that into you. Even in stone she’s not that into you.
Good thing you caught her looking down. At least she doesn’t have to look in your face for all eternity.
cardiogirl’s last blog post..She might be the next Miss America
January 10th, 2009 at 9:00 am
I, too, was wondering what the dork had in his hand. If he really wants her to go out with him, he could start by getting some new shoes.
absepa’s last blog post..Walkin’ After Midnight
January 10th, 2009 at 9:03 am
very creative commentary… you have a great mind!
January 10th, 2009 at 9:23 am
I’m thinking at her age she shouldn’t be so fussy.
Prefers Her Fantasy Life’s last blog post..Tuesdays With My Card-Carrying Gay Buddhist Buddy (Part One)
January 10th, 2009 at 9:24 am
And I mean, the Dork reads!!!! How often do you get that in a male?
Prefers Her Fantasy Life’s last blog post..Tuesdays With My Card-Carrying Gay Buddhist Buddy (Part One)
January 10th, 2009 at 9:39 am
I like how she keeps her head down thinking silently to herself “Go away, dude. Please, go away. Do not EVEN talk to me. Please, just go away.” Those dorky guys never seem to get the hint.
We have a statue like that at our library, but it’s a little girl and someone puts colorful socks on her feet in the winter. Who dresses these things?!
Lin’s last blog post..The Dreadful Tale of Mary and Sarah
January 10th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with dorks. I’m one.
January 10th, 2009 at 9:52 am
Hey- that dork asked ME out, too! I went to college with him. He always had that same backpack and overconfident smirk.
I told him I just didn’t have time to go to the Star Trek convention with him, and that even if I did, I was NOT going to wear the officer Troi uniform. Good to see at least he’s moved on.
Jenn’s last blog post..Heat Surge Inspires Rogue Amish, Plus Vince Moonlights from ShamWow
January 10th, 2009 at 10:17 am
Jeez Loiuse - for someone who is outside year-round she sure is pale! I mean at least the dork has the golden hue one might expect from outdoor living.
/ heads out the door, watercolours in hand …
Canucklehead’s last blog post..It’s Official!
January 10th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Is it wrong I had an urge to pee on the bench lady?
Mike’s last blog post..The Gaza Line of Scrimmage
January 10th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Bonus points if you know the title of the book the Dork is reading….
January 10th, 2009 at 11:00 am
So very creative - as always!
Sherry at EX Marks the Spot’s last blog post..I Was Just Wondering . . .
January 10th, 2009 at 11:04 am
Why does the dork get to wear clothes, but you only get the scarf? I find this a little unfair. Maybe next time I visit my aunt Kathy she’ll take me to her work and I can dress you in a slanket. And maybe get you some nice slippers, too.
January 10th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Those pictures remind me of the CSI episode where the serial killer was turning his victims into statues. Did you double check these to make sure? I’m just saying…
And Mike, you’re more than just a little disturbing.
Lee’s last blog post..It’s A Passion…And Almost An Obsession
January 10th, 2009 at 11:16 am
But your hair looks marvelous!
January 10th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I liked the dork more too…looks like he’s getting in the moment for the next thing he’s gonna say
January 10th, 2009 at 11:38 am
cute
amber’s last blog post..Listing
January 10th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I think you should make her your life’s work. Give her a book, then visit daily to turn the pages. Meet her every need.
She looks a bit ‘unfinished’ compared to the dork!
Babs - beetle’s last blog post..Are we mad?
January 10th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
OK, you got me! Is that a mime? Surely that dork is! I’m surprised she hasn’t got more company than 2 ladies! Was one you?
storybeader’s last blog post..Writing a Long Range Plan - Part I
January 10th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Very creative .. Could you give her some sun glasses as well?
Linda’s last blog post..Have You Heard?
January 10th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Kathy, you have the imagination of a novelist. I love your commentary.
I don’t know how long those statues have been there but I’m surprised they haven’t been defiled yet.
Matt’s last blog post..Amazing Photos
January 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
I am a little bit worried that the statue used to be bronze. Until she was visited by some birds. Lots and lots of birds.
Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Photo Hunters: Aftermath
January 10th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Huh. I’m surprised there’s not more chemistry between these two. They seem to have so much in common. Is there an eHarmony site for statues?
Vivienne’s last blog post..Metrosexual Smack Down: Are You Still a Guy?
January 10th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
If she were to look on the bright side, her hair is in a classic, timeless upswept ‘do. Mr. Dork’s hair is going to be pointed to and laughed at by people in decades to come the more out of style or out of touch with current trends it becomes.
TheSnackHound’s last blog post..Fudgie the Whale
January 10th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Maybe one of those Ronald McDonald bench statues can be placed next to her?
But then again, if that happened, she might get fat!
January 10th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
I don’t know. Clearly, the dork is more polished than she is. I mean, she’s really accessorized to the very minimum. I mean, who is she holding out for? Some jerk on a horse? Perhaps she should be grateful for any interest she can get.
And, yes, I’m also a dork.
January 10th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
“and my sciatica is really acting up”
HA HA HA HA
meleah rebeccah’s last blog post..Shel Silverstein Meets Dr Seuss?
January 10th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Thanks, Kathy! I needed a good laugh! “Hi, I’m a dork” put me right over the edge. Oh help, now I can’t stop coughing. Maybe I shouldn’t read your blog when I’m sick.
Mama O’s last blog post..Ode to Spandex
January 10th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
hi Kathy,
I’m surprised this isn’t a “what’s that” post, i.e. what’s in the “dork’s” hand.
In any event, this confirms I am unsophisticated. I’ve got nothing against the dork (except he seems a little too happy), but I don’t understand why it is “art”. And why put the lady on the bench where she’s in the way and I can’t sleep on the bench… perhaps I’m just too practical.
~ Steve, aka the unsophisticated-and-proud-of-it part-redneck trade show booths guru
Trade Show Booths Guru’s last blog post..Trade Show Booths and Duct Tape
January 10th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Jaffer — They are the most interesting of the pieces near where I work. Most are abstract and some are hideous lumps of twisted metal that have no life to them. At least the dork dresses well.
cardiogirl — The dork is holding a set of car keys. Yeah, I’m happy for her that she’s not looking at him. Ignoring him isn’t working, so imagine how much worse her life would be if they were gazing into each other’s eyes 24/7.
absepa — It’s one of those leather whatdoyoucallits that holds keys. He needs better shoes and to wipe that stupid smile off his face.
dizzblnd — Or an insane one. Either way, I’m glad you liked it!
Prefers Her Fantasy Life — Yes, she’s young, but she’s been in that spot for years. It’ll make you crazy. I forget what book he’s reading. It might be All Creatures Great and Small. Have to double-check next week.
Lin — We’ve all been there, haven’t we? You gave me an idea. I might give her a hat next week. Or earmuffs. She’ll be covered in snow this weekend. Poor thing.
Momo — Wear it proud, sista!
Jenn — Har! He’s not having any more success here. Packs of girls run past him. He’s a frightening specimen, isn’t he?
Canucklehead — Seriously. She must be using SPF 725. She needed the scarf for warmth AND color.
Mike — Yes, it is wrong in so many ways.
Seamusette’s Mom — I think it’s All Creatures Great and Small. Do you know it for sure? We’ll have to check on our next walk. Thank for having your camera phone!
Sherry at EX Marks the Spot — Thanks! I always like to imagine the stories statues would tell if they could speak. I know it makes me a little loony, but I’m OK with that.
Regan — Oh, I would appreciate that, so says the lady on the bench.
Lee — Wow, that just made this a little more creepy, didn’t it? Come to think of it, I don’t actually know where these came from. Ew.
Patricia — Yes, she looks lovely with her little bun. Although doesn’t it make her look even colder? Brrrrr!
Doublebanker — Maybe I should write for him next time, a response post?
amber — Glad you liked it!
Babs beetle — I love your idea. I could load her up with a lot of accessories. And now that I think of it, she hasn’t eaten a thing in years. Must be how she keeps her girlish figure. Maybe I’ll bring her dinner.
storybeader — Yes, I took a walk a lunch with a friend and I noticed she got a scarf since the last time I saw her. I’ve never seen anyone sit on the bench next to her. I should try a social experiment sometime. Sit down and have a conversation with her and see how fast someone calls a doctor. I’m just crazy enough to try.
Linda — Yes, I can give her a pair of shades. Excellent idea!
Matt — Ah, thanks so much! I believe Dork was defiled once (in the lower region). And that was even when it stood outside the president’s house at the university where these statues are installed. He’s since been moved to this location, where presumably he can creep out more people walking by.
Daisy the Curly Cat — I know! Doesn’t it look like a flock of birds just hovered over her and let loose? At least when that happens for real, no one would notice. Unless it’s the gross purple kind of deposit.
Vivienne — Funny! Although, Lady on the Bench’s profile would probably exclude the kind of guy who reads a book in his dress slacks and a tie outdoors.
TheSnackHound — Yes, she’ll do well over the long haul. He’s already dated a bit. And there’s the dork thing.
PurpleGreenPops.com — Yes, she needs better statuesque company! It doesn’t have to be Ronald McDonald, does it? Cuz that guy’s creepier than anyone on the planet.
Stephanie Barr — I have to get a better look at her some day. I don’t recall any jewelry, but she does carry a purse, which I’m surprised no one has stolen yet. I wonder what the artist put in it. Oh, and I think you’re the cool kind of dork. It sounds like an oxymoron, but it’s not. I’m familiar with the variations of dork.
meleah rebeccah — Sitting like that so long? My back would break!
Mamo O — Glad you got a good chuckle out of it. Get well soon!
Unsophisticated-and-proud-of-it-part-redneck trade show booths guru Steve — He’s holding a set of car keys in one of those leather bound holder thingies. Believe me, I don’t understand that he’s art either. It’s a much too literal piece for my artistic tastes, which isn’t all that sophisticated to begin with. If you really need to lay down, you could, but you’d have to curl up in a ball. Best not to. People would think you were mental.
January 10th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
I love the scarf and I thought the dork was real…you have such a clever mind that was a great post..
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
Dorothy Stahlnecker’s last blog post..Are you making the best of your life?
January 10th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
That poor woman! I didn’t know you had Methuselah roaming the grounds at Lehigh! I’ll be careful not to look at anyone suspicious if I ever roam that way.
Now as for the “Dork”, that looks like a remote control. Or maybe he’s with the United Federation of Planets, and he’s talking to Scotty up on the old Enterprise.
I have a suggestion. Why don’t we help her start a blog?
She could write about all the strange people she sees everyday. i bet she has seen some strange stuff over the last three years!
Chris Casey’s last blog post..A Year ago today….
January 10th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
The dork is holding a set of Saab keys, and the book is indeed “All Creatures Great and Small.” There’s actually an interesting story about how he got here. The parents of a young man killed in a car accident commissioned this sculpture. The students used to defile the dork, until they heard the story behind the sculpture.
Why do I know this? Because I’m the queen of useless information. And because I work on this campus.
January 11th, 2009 at 12:08 am
fabulous post! i just found your blog and will sooo be back for more.
Peapodsquadmom’s last blog post..Now there’s a scary (and painful) thought!
January 11th, 2009 at 2:02 am
LOL … she looks frozen! And when did we start immortalizing dorks in the park?
DrowseyMonkey’s last blog post..Mellow Yellow Monday #1
January 11th, 2009 at 7:40 am
Haven’t we all felt like that before!
January 11th, 2009 at 7:52 am
Why is it that the dork is fully clothed and the lady has but a scarf?
mizmell’s last blog post..IMS Is A Lot Like IBS
January 11th, 2009 at 9:41 am
I love the image of the Lady on the Bench with the red scarf. I like the contrast.
January 11th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Red is her color….ok anything would be her color!! What IS the dork holding?
We sure wish we could help her with the tissues. We know how annoying a runny nose is!
Sniffie and the Florida Furkids
Sniffie and the Florida Furkids’s last blog post..Easy like Sunday morning…
January 11th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
What a great site
Very creative!
choopixie’s last blog post..SOS: Save the Migratory Fish
January 11th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Interesting statues! Reminds me of ones I seen in Riccione Italy. They were so life like! My link goes directly to my photos of these status.
Ann’s last blog post..2009 New Year’s Goals
January 11th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Reminds me of the life-size statues of Churchill and FDR on a park bench in (I think) Bond Street in London, with just enough room between them for a tourist…uh, person…to sit and be photographed.
January 11th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Brilliant!!!
Totally gave me a good laugh on a lazy Sunday!!
KiKi’s last blog post..Destination: The Chocolate Swan.
January 11th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Dorothy Stahlnecker — I love the scarf too. It wouldn’t look as stunning if it wasn’t red on white, very white. Thanks! I’d glad you enjoyed it.
Chris Casey — There are lots of weird things on-campus. Some nice, but a lot of weird, too. I don’t know. The way he holds the car keys adds to the dorkiness. Also, why hold the keys like that while reading a book? It really doesn’t make any sense, does it? Nah, she can’t have a blog. What if she gets moved? I’m too lazy to follow her, don’tcha know?
Susan — Thanks for providing us the needed trivia answers. I was right about the book. How ’bout that! I didn’t know the history of the commission and now I feel a little guilty for mocking dork boy. Hangs head in shame.
Peapodsquadmom — Oh, thankyouverymuch!
DrowseyMonkey — She does. It may be hard to see in the picture, but she is wearing some clothing, but more for spring. Girl really needs a blanket.
Data Entry Services — Yep, been there.
mizmell — I know! No fair! She is clothed, but only a little bit. You can’t tell because she’s whiter than a ghost.
Funny Signs — Oh, me too! It’s so bold and screamed for a picture.
Sniffie and the Florida Furkids — Yes, any color is her color. She’s oh so pale! The dork is holding a set of car keys, and thanks to Susan’s comment, we know they are for a Saab. I never have tissues in the cold when I need them. I won’t tell you whether or not I use my sleeve instead.
Ann — Cool. Checked out your link. I love the first one of the woman and the little girl. And the guy with the paper looks so realistic. Crazy!
JamaGenie — I think I have a picture of me sitting with Walt Disney on a bench outside the Magic Kingdom at Disneyworld. You can’t NOT have your picture taken. Too cool. I also have a shot of my husband being tormented by a fake statue in the same park. Those are neat, too.
KiKi — I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’m having a lazy Sunday, too. I wish I would have a lazy work week.
January 11th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
I enjoyed this piece immensely.
Mom’s last blog post..Dear Mom
January 11th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
You need more to do don’t you?
January 11th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
I think for Valentine’s day, Dork and her should exchange cards. I should sneak onto campus about 4 AM that Saturday and tape them to the statues. Think that will cause some conversation?
Chris Casey’s last blog post..No Money…No Honey A Sunday Undie Story
January 11th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Some strange statues you’ve got there.
Neil | Michael Bartul’s last blog post..Michael Bartul
January 11th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
That is a creepy park. Especially the guy who is rock hard over the bench lady. Is this the kind of park where all the kids go at night to get stoned?
marvelgoose’s last blog post..Try My Product, It Sells Itself
January 12th, 2009 at 8:38 am
Makes me glad I’m not a statue! There, I’ve said it …
Chris Wood’s last blog post..Anyone any ideas on this?
January 12th, 2009 at 8:43 am
I don’t know about that dork. The pleated front khakis and the loafers scare me.
A Bay Horse’s last blog post..This dressage test brought to you by…
January 12th, 2009 at 9:51 am
I consider myself to be rather creative, but I never could’ve come up with something as witty-ly creative as this. Bravo!
January 12th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Very well done. What a nice story to inanimate objects in the park. Very well done. Hey, it could have happened just like this too.
Have a terrific day.
Comedy Plus’s last blog post..The Jogger
January 12th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
So what is the dork reading? Is it supposed to be in his hand? And the red backpack, is that supposed to be there? He may be a dork but do you really think he’d had a RED backpack? He’s certainly not gay cause it doesn’t match his blue-ish outfit. And no wonder the girl only got a scarf. She looks like an ice queen to me.
Preston’s last blog post..Fake Cop, Real Story, Really Scary
January 12th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
She needs a Snuggie.
Shieldmaiden1196’s last blog post..Exhibiting my meme-ory
January 12th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Mom — I’m glad!
Lauren — Oh, you have no idea.
Chris Casey — Yes, it would. Of course, you may make some people think they’re on Candid Camera and they’ll keep walking. BTW, the lady does not want a card from dork. The lady would like to be moved to another campus.
Neil | Michael Bartul — And these are the nice ones. There’s some really peculiar stuff elsewhere that makes me laugh. I don’t think that’s the reaction some of the artists intended.
marvelgoose — Well, it’s a college campus. I’m thinking the kids are getting lit in their warm rooms.
Chris Wood — Can you imagine being frozen in one spot? Well, we’ll all be frozen solid at some point if you think about it. Let’s not think about it.
A Bay Horse — He’s lucky. At least he has the legs for pleats.
Jenny — Ah, thanks! You made my day.
Comedy Plus — I’m so glad you liked it!
Preston — The dork is reading “All Creatures Great and Small.” Yes, everything you see was designed that way by the artist. Not my cup of tea, but then, I’m no artist. I would love to see a stylish gay version of dork.
Shieldmaiden1196 — Yes!!! That’s exactly what she needs! A robe worn backwards for $19.95 + shipping and handling.
January 12th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
I like the “dork” dude he was either kinda hot or I haven’t had any in awhile. Wait, probably the latter
survivor’s last blog post..The perfect bathroom
January 12th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Way WAY too much dork, I mean man bashing around here! Creep magnet?!? Dork!?! He seems like a perfectly nice nerd to me. I think the lady on the bench is cold!!
January 13th, 2009 at 6:57 am
This post made me LOL. Thanks for the laugh with my morning coffee and the EC advert.
CrAzY Working Mom’s last blog post..Manic Monday - Sale
January 13th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
We know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.
See, this is the start of something phenomenal. This blog-olougue is really a great idea for conflict resolution. We have been us minunderstood for so long now. We are happy to see your kind empathize with us!
For your empathy, we thank you.
Snowpeople’s last blog post..What NOT To Wear
January 13th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
i love the piece you wrote on this, very entertaining. Maybe she should ask the dork to come by sit with her so she wont be lonely,lol. To the guy dont act such a dork or else she will never go out with you!hahhahahahahah
melody’s last blog post..TOP DROPPERS
January 13th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
That woman is really pretty. I don’t know what your problem is but, like, quit making fun of her!
January 13th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
The dork looks way too happy. Does he possibly not realize he’s a dork? Hmmmm. Isn’t that always the way? The dorkiest people go about their dorky lives obliviously unaware of just how dorky they are.
So sad.
kev’s last blog post..Now That’s What I Call a Segue
January 13th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
That dork is my husband, you horrible…oh wait. Never mind. Just reminds me of him. *snort*
Hilarious catch.
Jonny’s Mommy’s last blog post..Becoming grandparent softens ‘tough guy’
January 13th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
survivor — There are so many ways I could take this, but we’ll just leave it be, K?
Ferd — There is a difference between a dork and a nerd. Nerds are brainiacs. Dorks are simply dorks. You want to be a nerd, if anything. We only mock dorks here, got it?
Crazy Working Mom — Glad you had a chuckle to start your day!
Snowpeople — I knew it! Statues and snowpeople have feelings, too, and a lot on their minds!
melody — Glad you liked it. I think the artist who made the woman should have also made a man for her. Then at least the woman would have had some protection from dork guy.
Father Muskrat — She is, but she could use some color. Any color. Even lipstick would help. Do you dare me to put some on her?
kev — Do dorks ever know they are dorks? God, now I’m feeling a little sorry for him. Alone in his dorkiness. Maybe it’s not sad. Maybe it’s a blessing that he doesn’t know.
Jonny’s Mommy — Unless your husband walks around reading a book and remotely unlocking his car, and wearing loafers, he’s safe. He doesn’t, right?
January 13th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
kathy, I think you could move those two statues into a pose that would make it look like Dork was offering her a ride, and she would turn him down.
I bet it would be a fun practical joke to have those two send notes to each other
Dork Sign: “Want to take a ride?’
Lady Sign, next Day: I’m waiting for the bus.”
Dork Sign, day after that: bus doesn’t run on weekends.”
I think that would be funny, don’t you?
Lady Sign, day after that: “I’ll wait”
Chris Casey’s last blog post..No Money…No Honey A Sunday Undie Story
January 14th, 2009 at 8:16 am
The dork looks cool:)
January 14th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
HAHA. These remind me of a CSI episode I saw recently where the killer left the bodies posed in public places. haha.
January 14th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Chris Casey — LOL. I would love to see a real-time conversation between them. Oh, what I’ve started!
Vennorex — Dorks can be cool, but it’s a fine line. I think the book ruined his look.
Sweepstakes Girl — Yes, someone else mentioned that episode, too. I’m not sure I remember it. I sort of drifted away from CSI because I couldn’t stomach the coroner’s office scenes. I’m not that into realism.
January 17th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
I’m sure if that statue could talk those would be accurate words. I don’t know why she thinks the other guy is a creep, though. He seems alright.
January 18th, 2009 at 6:54 am
Airsoft — There’s something creepy about him, I think, because he’s too realistic. I like my art slightly less literal
January 21st, 2009 at 12:40 pm
That’s the funniest and the cutest thing I’ve seen. I like your stories of them. I think that guy isn’t to bad. He seems very attentive and studious.
January 24th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
Angie James — I’m sure the artist would be glad that you like the dork. You gave him much better treatment than I did!