I drove to work yesterday funkin’ out to this song. I guarantee it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it is the basis for something I learned about my father and so you should really just roll with it.

My dad is an awesome dancer. An awesome polka dancer, and so is my mom. When they take to the floor, they’re stunning and mesmerizing and everyone wants to be like them. But they never will because they all suck at it and that’s why polka has a stigma. You’ve only seen it done badly.

The above song, Hot in Here by Nelly, played at a family birthday party some years ago and everyone under 40 stood up and rushed the dance floor.

And then my 80-year-old dad followed us. Oh no. No, no, no. He does polka. He doesn’t do hip-hop. He shouldn’t do hip-hop.

Ask me how scared I was.

But Dad put us all to shame. We watched in utter awe of his moves. He had the rhythm down perfectly, gyrating arms and legs appropriately – no embarrassing spasms of any kind – every move in time with the beat.

We were blown away by the sight of my Dad funking out and doing it right. And that’s when I realized what I thought was my God-given funkaliciousness wasn’t divine at all. Clearly it was my Dad who gave me the gift.

Oh, yeah. I got the funk in me. And so it was, on the way to work with this song blasting, I started feelin’ it. Small movements at first, but then it overcame me.

I would car funk dance for the next six miles.

How is car funk dancing done, you ask?

Crank the music and follow along.

Sway left and right, shoulders moving forward and back. Tilt head two beats on the left, one on the right, one on the left, then two beats on the right. Rinse and repeat.

Bob your head forward and back at a 45 degree angle. Go ahead. Try it now.

Jut the chin forward in time with the bass, like the Mick Jagger chicken dance, but without the flapping wings part.

You may alter your shoulder activity after a while, such that you are “shrugging” them in tandem while bobbing the head about.

You may or may not involve the arms and hands as part of your funk driving. There is the safety issue, but that’s what knees are for. Drive with them if you must.

Bring your hands forward, clench them in fists, arms raised as if you were boxing. Now continue to bob the head, left and right shoulders alternating forward and back.

How do you look now? Are you feelin’ it?

Remember, funk driving rules state that you ignore other drivers staring at you. You must car dance uninhibited. Live a little.

And thus concludes today’s lesson. Dad, thank you for giving me the funk. And Nelly, thank you for starting my day off right, even though an hour later it turned to crap.

Have a funky weekend, peeps!

Stumble it!