Objectum Sexuality
Bizarre October 14th, 2009
What in the wide, wide, world of sports is going on with some people?
Little tip here. You have to read the following very carefully. This is the opening to an actual article from a New Jersey paper, The Trentonian.
They courted for more than ten years before she finally popped the question.
Amy Wolfe had experienced a decade of ups and downs with her lover but wanted to move forward with her romance.
So, Wolfe, 33, a Pennsylvania church organist, will go ahead with her plans to marry an amusement ride at Knoebels Amusement Park in the Poconos.
Wolfe claims to have objectum sexuality, a condition that makes sufferers attracted to inanimate objects — in this case she’s head over heels for an 80-foot gondola ride called 1001 Nachts.
Read the whole article here. Really. You gotta read it. There’s another woman who had a tryst with the Berlin Wall, but whose “heart and soul belongs to the Eiffel Tower.”
So.
Yeah.
People are insane.
I have far too many questions about this woman, so I’ll just leave it at this: If you happened to lose your senses and wanted to marry an object, what would it be?
Me first.
If I divorce my husband for anything, it’s going to be my laptop. Me and my blog partner. Forever.
I, Kathy, take thee Dell laptop, to be my wedded object, to have and to type upon from this day forward, for better or for worse, for more blog subscribers or for loss of readers, in backup disaster or in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death or hardware failure. This is my solemn and ludicrous vow.
You next!
Stumble it!
October 15th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Okay. You get WAY too many comments, honey. I can’t see what’s already been said, unless I give up my day job. Will you support me if I do?
I shall marry my future blackberry…BUT, he must have iPod’s musical moves, laptop’s email/blogging capabilities, and be on the unlimited texting (Twitter) and friends and fam so I can talk to my heart’s content. It will be a marriage made in heaven.
And when he vibrates??? Oh, baby!!!!!!
.-= kathryn´s last blog ..Right Hook =-.
October 15th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
I personally do not see anything wrong with it. 🙂
.-= PaulsHealthBlog.com´s last blog ..Do You Know What’s In Your Vitamins? =-.
October 15th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
My digital camera. And that’s as far as I’m going with that.
I already had to listen this to my straight co-workers talk about whether, if they were gay, would like to have a more femine girlfriend or butch one. . . what in the world?!
October 16th, 2009 at 1:13 am
Wow, I guess you can find love anywhere and size doesn’t matter! I’d marry my iPhone.
.-= AVCr8teur´s last blog ..Road Trip =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 3:29 am
Hmmm, since my iPod and my phone plug into my laptop, I’m set there, but I think I would have to have illicit affairs with my beads! I have the need to fondle them on a regular basis!
.-= Anna´s last blog ..Thursday Thirteen: B x13! =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 7:25 am
I have 13 pair, so I clearly need one more to prevent bad karma.
.-= cardiogirl´s last blog ..The book of questions, Volume 63 =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 7:47 am
Sheesh, so many objects to decide from, I guess I’m a whore when it comes to loving inanimate objects.
Yeah, the PC is a good love, but fickle–oh so fickle sometimes. Not often, but when it quits on me I truly hate that machine.
I LOVE my Oreck vacuum cleaner (and no, I don’t get paid by them to advertise) because it never lets me down. But that relationship is only about me–I put it on the shelf (closet) and take it off only when I need it.
I love my two sewing machines–a new computerized Husqvarna that does everything perfectly and my old work horse Bernina that is so tried and true. I guess I’m like Hef on that one–I gotta have two.
And my last love–the bottle opener on the inside of the garage door. Simple, yet always there for me. And lots of opportunities are available when I use it.
.-= Lin´s last blog ..I Love Hobbes Thursday =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Hmmmm. If I could marry an inanimate object, it would be a large cheese filled crust extra pepperoni three cheeses pizza made with white sauce. I would share it with my wife, of course. that is the only time either of us would be involved in a 3 way!
.-= Chris Casey´s last blog ..For an aspiring writer, reality sets in, and that is okay =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Yes, Yes I am prepared for all the oglers – Just proves that I have impeccable taste. 😉
.-= Grace´s last blog ..Anyway, anyway =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:53 am
My waterbed. I already spend most of my time with it; it’s so warm and comfy. And it doesn’t snore at night. So that’s a plus.
.-= Maureen´s last blog ..Naked =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Kathy,
This truly gives new meaning to the playground comeback “If you love it, why don’t you marry it?”
.-= TheSnackHound´s last blog ..Happy Thanksgiving to My Southern Relatives =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
erm, are the conservatives out in force crying that marriage is between one man and one woman not one woman and one ride? *sigh*
As a goat I would marry my hay pile.
The publicist would marry her stove. She is tied to it anyway during canning season so it seems like she is married to it anyway. But she would have an affair with the kitchenaid. She is a slut.
.-= Pricilla´s last blog ..AbbyDay – It’s MY Corn =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
hummm, so many choices. I’d probably have to go with the UPS truck, because it brings me everything else I want. My wireless optical mouse is a close second! Great post find Kathy!
.-= DJ´s last blog ..Abracadabra! =-.
October 16th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
I really wanted to answer this Kathy, I really did, but golldarnit, it’s been such a long dry spell for me I think I better get out the old manuals and make sure what you’re spose’n to do, so’s I don’t hurt myself or anyone else…
Let’s see, it says:
Ya Puts you hmmhmm here,
You puts your mmm mmm there,
You puts your hmmmmm in and ya shakes it all about,
Ya doo’s the funky money and ya turns yourself around,
That’s what it’s all about….
Yes, I’m sorry Kathy dear, but I think this is venturing into far more dangerous territory than I’m willing to venture into at this age with these creaky joints. Sam the pug has offered, but his private parts were taken when he was a wee small lad, leaving him a bit hobbled and cattywompus (We don’t discuss this with him…) and mostly all he does is snore loud, and I think we’ll both just sit on the sidelines and drink the punch.
Maitri, shaking head sadly… tsk, tsk…
October 16th, 2009 at 9:08 pm
For sure would be my iPhone if I had one (maybe for Christmas???)
But for now I’d say I’d marry my guitar. 🙂
.-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..10 Great Mysteries of the Universe, 2 =-.
October 17th, 2009 at 12:25 am
Hahaha This POST is crazy! Hek I guess If it was me it have to by TV. Just can’t live without it~
BTW I’ve a surprise for you on my blog: http://zestynachos.blogspot.com/2009/10/wow-two-more-blog-awards.html
.-= nettagyrl´s last blog ..Wow! Two more Blog Awards! =-.
October 17th, 2009 at 5:46 am
No question, it would be my coffee cup. 🙂
.-= Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach ´s last blog ..On what brand do YOU focus when you’re making money? =-.
October 17th, 2009 at 6:08 am
Picture Imperfect — As long as they’re both down with that arrangement, it’s all good. I almost divorced my camera last weekend because it eats batteries. But I saved the relationship by buying better rechargeables.
kathryn — Hey, isn’t that calling the kettle black? You’ve got a lot of comments over at your house, too! All I can say is I gotta get myself a Blackberry. But I’d have to start a charity fund for that. I wish you many happy years together. Jealous!
PaulsHealthBlog — I know you’re pulling my leg. Please tell me you’re pulling my leg.
Lisa at Boondock Ramblings — OMG. What a question to ask. I think that beats this one by a mile. So what is it? Butch or feminine?
AVCr8teur — No kidding. How did they find a tux for the ride? I think your iPhone would probably be glowing on your wedding day.
Anna — Go for it, sister! You like to fondle. Beads like to be fondled. Or so I hear.
cardiogirl — Holy smokes! You must have a separate closet just for your low-tops. Yeah, anything but 13. I’m superstitious like that.
Lin — That’s how I feel about Google. Got a love/hate thing going on with it. Still peeved with the whole Blogger comment fiasco and moving my Feedburner feed over to them. You have a lot of loves, my dear. I wish I wanted to marry my vacuum cleaner like you do. But mine is a good-for-nothing slouch and I can’t get it to work right. I don’t know why we’re still together.
Chris Casey — Oh, man. The pizza sounds awesome. And you need to tell me where I can get one. Oh, and I wouldn’t share. I’m monogamous with my pizza.
Grace — I could just see you standing there “He’s all mine. Isn’t he gorgeous? I’m sure your building would appreciate it.
Maureen — I think that makes two votes for a bed. I’m glad you found your true love, but I suspect your affection comes and goes in waves.
TheSnackHound — It does! Maybe that’s where this woman got the idea. Or maybe she’s just crazy.
Pricilla — Awww, I can see your hay pile being your soul mate. Until it runs out. Then you get a new soul mate for lunch. LMAO at your kitchenaid slut reference. It has a nice ring to it.
DJ — You must go nuts at Christmas then. I can imagine your heart all aflutter when you hear the truck pull up and the driver door fly open. Match made in heaven..
Maitri — That’s OK. By all means, don’t hurt yourself thinkin’ about an answer! And tell Sam I’m truly sorry. Maybe he’ll keep his bits in his next life.
Jannie Funster — Ah, a musical marriage! See, now that actually sounds kinda normal. Hope Santa brings you an iPhone. You’ll have some ‘splainin’ to do to your guitar, but for now I hope you continue to make beautiful music together.
nettagirl — We are a little infatuated with our TVs, too. We have 4 in the house for just two people. Hey, thanks for the award!
Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach — You and me both. After my laptop, of course. We three are here, together as always.
October 17th, 2009 at 7:08 am
A real head-scratcher.
An award awaits you!
.-= vanilla´s last blog ..Awarded by Leigh =-.
October 17th, 2009 at 10:19 am
I don’t know where it came from but when I brought your blog up a window appeared for a Nielson-sponsored survey…Anyone else have this happen?
.-= Grace´s last blog ..October 17, 1946 =-.
October 17th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Don’t think I love any object enough to marry it unless it was one of those female play toys. I watched Boston Legal a couple years ago and they had some episodes about this subject which I found hilarious.
.-= Jude´s last blog ..Motorcycle Travel/States That Require Helmets =-.
October 18th, 2009 at 3:03 am
“The Junk Drawer” has been included in this weeks A Sunday Drive. I hope this helps to attract even more new visitors here.
http://asthecrackerheadcrumbles.blogspot.com/2009/10/sunday-drive_18.html
.-= FishHawk´s last blog ..A Sunday Drive =-.
October 18th, 2009 at 10:00 am
That is just strange…
I think I was going to marry an object it would probably be my lip gloss. I absolutely love it, and couldn’t possibly live without it. One question though: Can I have a whole harem of lip glosses? It’s too hard to pick just one.
October 18th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
A few of these comments are hilarious and you have certainly hit upon a subject that is near and dear to some !!!
October 18th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
I could answer this question, but I would never live it down on the inter nets.
The thing is, how long can you go on loving something that doesn’t love you back? I thought we all learned how to get over this with that one boy in 9th grade who made us swoon and drop all our books but who only mocked us in return. How do you turn that around and focus it on a carnival ride?
I guess it’s because while the carnival ride will never love you back, it will never, ever mock you.
This lady needs to get a dog. At least the dog will wag its tail when you come home at night.
.-= Wendy´s last blog ..This Whole Learning to Read Early Thing Has Its Drawbacks =-.
October 18th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
I’d guess I’d have to marry something practical, like my glasses or my contacts, mostly because without them I can’t see two feet in front of me. Til death or LASIK surgery do us part.
I’m just curious about the woman’s honeymoon. Will the amusement park let her have a conjugal visit after hours in order to consummate the marriage? Gives a whole new meaning to riding an amusement park ride. Ewww.
.-= Staci at Just Bloggled´s last blog ..From the Dentist’s Chair to the Painted Chair =-.
October 18th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
My cell phone, I guess. Not too original, I know!
.-= fanficwrit´s last blog ..Fascinating new facts on mosquitoes (or) Sani peyarchi nonsense =-.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:58 am
I am partial to my wine opener. It brings a smile to my face every night when I pull it out of the drawer! (Although, I am a little fearful of the honeymoon. Could be more than I bargained for!)
.-= Beth´s last blog ..It’s 10:16 am and the Main Reason I Cannot Get Things Done =-.
October 19th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
People are so weird!
I’ll stick with Gail, my inflatable doll.
; )
.-= Ferd´s last blog ..Sunday Spirit – Time’s Ticking Away, repost =-.
October 20th, 2009 at 5:01 am
vanilla — No kidding. And thanks for the lovely award! I’m charming!
Grace — Popped you an email. That survey comes from my Blogher ad. Sorry ’bout that. Luckily that should only happen once in a blue moon.
Jude — If it made a topic for a legal show, it must be wacky!
FishHawk — Thank you for the link! And a cool concept, at that.
Your Daily Cute — You may have a harem of lip gloss. Just be sure you use them evenly. You don’t want anyone getting jealous.
Linda — Got that right.
Wendy — No fair! You owe us! How do we turn it around? Maybe because there’s no chance the ride could ignore her love. He can’t go anywhere, so he’s kind of stuck and she knows he’ll never leave her. Yeah, she needs a dog or cat. Or therapy.
Staci at Just Boggled — I’m married to my glasses too. We make a great pair. Yeah, riding the ride. Eww is right. And it’ll have to happen when the park is open and with so many onlookers. Weird.
fanficwrit — So far, I haven’t freaked out to be without my phone for a period of time, but I know people who go ballistic without theirs. God, I hope I never get that attached. Oh, but then there’s my laptop. Nevermind.
Beth — Just think when all its friends come to the wedding. You’ll have a full bar!
Ferd — Ha! How does Gail feel about being called inflatable? She is a doll, though 🙂
November 8th, 2009 at 11:46 am
Sadly, I had previously heard of this condition. There was a programme on telly over in the UK last year about this very same thing. There was a guy who was totally in love with his car, and lots of other weird stuff. What I want to know is, who on earth entertains these people and marries them to their beloved? Surely they are culpable in perpetuating this bizarre relationship! If it came down to it, my laptop and my music would be chosen. Can music be an object? Hmm, anyway, couldn’t live without either!
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Optimize your site for the web – is understanding a minefield? =-.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:04 am
This is the craziest article I read in my whole life! LOL.
December 8th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
LOL, I am like you, It would be laptop I guess. I think if my hubby had to answer this question “if possible” he would choose the dog, or a close second it would be ruinscape.
I agree people are just weird!!!!
March 9th, 2010 at 10:14 pm
I have my eye on a very cute desktop. We met at Future Shop and I really think things might work out…
.-= Anger Children´s last blog ..How do I find the freezing point depression of a Naphthalene Solution? =-.
March 9th, 2010 at 10:16 pm
I am partial to my wine opener. It brings a smile to my face every night when I pull it out of the drawer!
.-= Home Fitness Gym´s last blog ..How do I find the freezing point depression of a Naphthalene Solution? =-.
May 20th, 2010 at 8:45 am
Haha! Wow, there are some strange people in this world. My husband is lucky I didn’t know about this before we got married! Of course, back then I’d have probably chosen my favorite pair of jeans or my hair dryer. The jeans wouldn’t fit today and the hair dryer would probably be broken by now. Then what?