The Junk Drawer

So you know how you get so busy and you need underwear, but never have time to drive to Wal-mart and you hate it there anyway because you have to park five miles from the store, then walk three more to find anything, so you hope that they sell them in your grocery store, only to be disappointed that they just sell socks and you think it’d be a fine idea to sell underwear right next to the toothpaste because they’re a convenience item, really, and it’s not like you have to try them on or anything?

Oh. Just me?

Well, in case you ever find yourself too busy to shop for underpants, the next best place to get them is Amazon. That’s right. I’m buying my underwear at Amazon now. The world’s biggest book seller and purveyor of panties.

Incidentally, if you’re not a teenaged twig, Amazon sells Hanes Women’s Comfort Soft Low-Rise Briefs.

They are described on the website as “…… appealing to a broad range of women – from professionals to part-time employees to homemakers. The woman who purchases Hanes Her Way Cotton underwear is typically 25-55, married with children, values pretty things and comfort.”

See how they don’t even call them granny panties?

I love you, Amazon. Screw you, Wal-mart.

We have a winner for the What’s That Wednesday contest. The object in question is a brake for the turntable on a 103-year-old Victrola gramophone.

After some serious consideration, I decided to award two people because they each guessed so close to perfect, just a little bit off on the function of the piece.

Mo, via Babs Beetle, nailed the gramophone part and so that gets her the win. However, she said the metal piece is “the switch that makes it spin.” Although the piece does affect spin, it’s not what makes it spin. The hand crank on the side of the unit does that.

Jen of Redhead Ranting further guessed that “it’s the speed control on a gramophone.” There is a “speed regulator” dial on the device, but the brake obviously controls speed (to stop spinning while changing records), so I’m giving second prize to Jen.

Congratulations, ladies! I’ll be in touch with you both soon.

Here are more pictures of the Victrola. It belongs to my brother-in-law’s family and it was such a treat to hear old records being played on it. We all find it incredible that it’s in such good condition for its age. You can see how well it’s been loved!

Manufacturer’s stamp (inside the lid):

Again, here is the What’s That object (the turntable brake):

Here is the arm that holds the record needle:

Receptacles for needles:

The speed regulator dial:

Here is the piece in its entirety. Records stand on edge at the left. There are angled slats inside the right half of the unit. The doors in front of them act as crude but effective volume control. The hand crank is barely visible, also on the right:

Here’s a one-minute video so you can hear it in action!

UPDATE: See additional photo below!

Like always, I hope that today’s What’s That item is hard enough to make your head hurt, but not so hard that no one gets it.

How to play:

1. The photo shows a small portion of a larger object.

2. First person to guess the object wins a Junk Drawer magnet and your choice of bacon bandaids, chocolate chip cookie soap or toasted Post-it notes.

Item Info:

1. This item is rather old.

2. It is not mine.

3. It’s very cool.

What’s that?

Since no one got it yet, here’s another picture. Same part of the object, different angle, more revealed.

Does this help?

In other Junk Drawer news:

In June I gave an interview to the Wall Street Journal about the loud Sun Chips bag. A marketing reporter found my blog post and video about the ear-splitting noise the 100% compostable bags make.

The article finally appeared yesterday. I’m quoted in the third to last paragraph. They also used a snippet of my bag demonstration 25 seconds into their video (click the Video tab at the top of the article).

Now go stare at the picture above for an hour and drop your guess in the drawer.

Go on! Get going!

This morning at work I took an elevator to a lab I’m responsible for maintaining. Two service workers from a copier rental place got on-board with me.

They asked if I worked in the building.

“Yep. What’cha need?”

“We’re here to pick up a copier in Room 61.”

“Oh, that’s great. I’m headed down to Room 51 myself. I’ll take you to the room.”

We arrived at the pickup location and I unlocked the door for them. Inside was a giant copier on wheels, the kind that can do every task imaginable in addition to copying.

The guys checked the serial number to make sure it was the right copier and it was.

They thanked me for letting them in the room and asked if I wouldn’t mind signing the pickup form.

“Sure. No problem.”

I signed and dated the form and then because the guy wanted to send one to the department who requested the pickup and keep one for himself, he asked me this:

“Do you have a copier I can use?”

Hand to God.

I have lost my writing mojo. I checked the couch cushions, the garage, under my car seats and in that desk drawer that always sticks. It mustn’t be here.

If anyone finds it, please send me an email and I’ll come pick it up. Or, if you live too far, I’ll pay for postage. It does not have to go in a bubble wrap lined envelope, but it does have to be a large envelope. Say, 12″ by 15.5″.

Oh, and if you see it, be nice to it on approach. Use a calm voice so it doesn’t escape. Maybe offer it some bacon. It responds to “Mojo,” “Chops,” or when it’s feeling down, “Serviceable Writing Ability.”

This is the kind of post you’ll get until it’s found. So please search everywhere. Start with your junk drawers. It’s possible my mojo went in search of others because nothing is happening in mine.

Thank you.

1.  Knuckle-dragging cavewoman.

2.  Thrown from horse.

3.  Baby with a too-full diaper.

4.  Drunken Quasimodo.

5.  In high heels with one heel missing.

6.  Defective weeble.

7.  Angry Frankenstein.

8.  Eighty-year-old man with two hip replacements.

9.  Newborn elephant’s first steps.

10. Woodstock Joe Cocker.

If you see Valerie, the woman who suggested we do this fun activity during our first-ever blogger meet-up, throw a brick at her head for me, will ya?

Our other blogger guest, Meleah Rebeccah, fared way better than me. She golfed the next day. Golfed.

I hate everybody who can move right now.