Honey, can you roll a little to the right?

Uh. No. Can you?

Nope. My cheek fell asleep again and I can’t roll.

How many times have I asked you not to call me honey? We dated as seedlings for like, what? Two weeks? It’s over and you know it. I still can’t believe you found me again. And now look at us.

Oh, honey, it’s not as bad as it seems.

Is too. And quit it with the honey.

Well, I’m not sorry about it. Why do you always have to find the negative?

Look, the patch has rules. One pumpkin every ten square inches. You just had to roll over near me, didn’t you?

I was cold.

Too bad. You knew we’d bake in the sun during the day and get chilly at night. Those are the rules.

I thought they were going to give us blankets. Besides, I like us as a couple. It makes us unique.

It makes us stupid. And stop saying we’re a couple. We’re not. And you’ve ruined it for me. We’re supposed to be two pumpkins with two stems. We have exactly one between us. We can’t even sit right! Who wants a pumpkin that can’t even sit right?

Well, I quite like it.

You would. This isn’t normal. I want to be normal.

Normal is overrated. And what’s all this about rules? Why do you always have to follow the rules? Maybe if you weren’t such a tight ass, we’d still be together.

Maybe if you weren’t so clingy, I’d have given us a chance.

Why all the hostility? I can guarantee you someone will buy us because they like us as a pair. And, admit it, you still like me.

If you think someone’s going to buy a defective set of pumpkins for Halloween, you’re out of your gourd.

Aw, you made a funny. See? You look all cranky, you act all cranky, but you made a funny anyway. Is that a smile I see? Are you smiling?

No, that’s a frown. If I wasn’t contorted like this, you’d know that.

Aw, I choose to think it was a smile. Now let’s make up. How ’bout a kiss?

We’re already kissing.

Hee. My plan worked then.

Stumble it!