Was That the Last Toupee They Had?
Bizarre February 23rd, 2011
Everyone told me that when I joined a gym, I would have lots of blog fodder to write about.
On the second day, fodder stepped on a treadmill right next to me.
There’s a sort of etiquette you have to follow at the gym, and Rule #1 is that you don’t stare at anyone else working out out near you.
You can get a sense of them, you just don’t actually look at them.
But fodder was mesmerizing.
I couldn’t look away because he was wearing the most hideous toupee I’ve ever seen.
I feel bad for men who go the toupee route. None of them look good, but I suppose being bald is the lesser of two evils.
I get it.
What I don’t get is why this guy chose to get a perm toupee. A black, poodle doo that was probably the last one on the foam heads when he went shopping.
Y’all probably know I have a hate/hate relationship with my curly hair. It never does what you want and you only get like three good hair days a year. (BTW, I had one on Tuesday, so I only have two left for 2011).
Anyway, this guy looked like a Chia pet and I felt bad for him. Not because he was bald. He probably looked better bald.
But because he chose to buy the worst kind of fake hair imaginable.
I sometimes have dreams where I have long, flowing, thick and shiny straight hair and I flip it around like a model does during a photo shoot.
I always feel happy during these dreams because if you have the power to imagine yourself with good hair, you don’t ask for kinky curls with a mind of their own.
You ask for lush and luxurious hair you can run your fingers through without getting them stuck in it.
I suppose perm toupee guy might have different toupees to wear out and about and maybe perm toupee is also gym toupee.
I haven’t seen him since and if he’s swappin’ out his head for a different look, it’s possible I wouldn’t recognize him.
In a way, I admire him. If he’s so sure of himself in that mop top, then I shouldn’t feel so bad the way I look without makeup, sweating at 5:30AM surrounded by rock hard bodies.
Just please don’t have a blog and consider me fodder. My fodder looks pretty ugly at that hour.
Stumble it!
February 23rd, 2011 at 6:44 pm
“Toupee” is French for: “I miss my mullet”.
February 23rd, 2011 at 7:07 pm
You just gave me an idea. You’re correct, toupees never look good. I think it’s because they look fake. Thus, my idea… a comb-over toupee. No one would ever think that it’s fake. After all, who in their right mind would buy a comb-over toupee? That’s the beauty of it. The first model will be “The Donald” aka “The Trump.” If I become rich and famous on the idea I promise you a royalty.
HJ Smith´s last blog post ..Where Have all the Real Men Gone
February 23rd, 2011 at 10:44 pm
There’s a woman who regularly takes my class at the gym and we call her Bride of Frankenstein because we don’t know her name. BUt we know her hair. It’s quite high. And large. Except she has it shaved at the neck and then it just blows up, like a dandelion ready to be blown. And she’s the skinniest, tallest person there. I can’t even imagine leaving the house like that.
sparkling74´s last blog post ..Thinking About My Obituary
February 24th, 2011 at 1:21 am
Okay…So lets not forget the unbearable comb over. Not sure which is worse..hmmm??
February 24th, 2011 at 6:36 am
I would have to stare at that one too. That is just ridiculous. Maybe he was trying to be ridiculous. Who knows.
Marg´s last blog post ..Thankful Thursday
February 24th, 2011 at 7:31 am
Mmmm, fodder! My Mommeh only wishes she had curly hair instead of her stick straight hair. Yesterday she went to this fancy salon where they gave her this choppy shag, sort of like Meg Ryan a few years ago. This morning my Mommeh is worried about whether she can style it to look right.
Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog post ..My Heart Almost Burst with Happiness!
February 24th, 2011 at 7:31 am
These guys would look so much better if they just let it go, we used to sit behind a man in church with a really bad toupee, hard to look at.
Ma´s last blog post ..Diet Soda- Aspartame and Such
February 24th, 2011 at 7:40 am
Maybe it’s a pubic transplant ?
February 24th, 2011 at 7:43 am
It’s the old “the grass is greener” thing, right? What’s cool about his “hair” is that he can swap it out for curly OR straight…..and still look bad! What is it with old guys at the gym? I had one who used to “toot” the whole time he was on the treadmill next to me. I quit going. I couldn’t stand it anymore.
lin´s last blog post ..I Love Hobbes Thursday – Better!
February 24th, 2011 at 10:13 am
I seriously want to rejoin the gym JUST for the fodder 🙂
alimartell´s last blog post ..Spins a Web- Any Size
February 24th, 2011 at 10:25 am
Why do men persist in wearing those things when they look so horrible? What’s wrong with just being bald? Rocking what God gave you, so to speak. Besides, bald can be really sexy–Bruce Willis is living proof.
absepa´s last blog post ..I think the Fat Fairy and Mr Snarkypants are in cahoots
February 24th, 2011 at 12:05 pm
So it was YOU staring at me. Well, listen here, Missy, I thought you were the one wearing a bad toupee, with all that unmanageable curly hair going every which way. Can anybody say, “Tribbles!?” So maybe you should take the log out of your own eye before you start criticizing the forest in mine. Or something like that.
By the way, did you notice the crazy chick on the rowing machine in front of us with the bad boob job and the tramp stamp right above her butt crack? Damn, what’s up with that? Some people are whack, I tell you.
February 24th, 2011 at 12:44 pm
The publicist is with Daisy’s mommeh. She has somewhat straight hair and has always longed for curls. You never have what you want do you.
Perm toupee does sound bad but perhaps something that I might enjoy munching.
Pricilla´s last blog post ..One Happy Goat and One Not So Happy Goat
February 24th, 2011 at 12:44 pm
I really like the “shaved head” look on guys. And as far as the toupee is concerned, I am sure we see “good ones” but we don’t realize they are toupees. Bad ones are pretty obvious. I would object to a surprise though. It’s the same way I’m sure men feel when encountering padded butts. Excuse me?
Linda Medrano´s last blog post ..How You Can Tell When My Husband Is Away
February 24th, 2011 at 1:52 pm
Well, I don’t see what’s wrong with a man being bald. If I were a man, I’m sure I’d have no problem with it. I most definitely wouldn’t have a comb-over or a toupee.
Dead straight hair has it’s problems too. I’ve always wanted some natural curl in mine to help with styling.
Babs (beetle)´s last blog post ..Why is commenting on a blog post important
February 24th, 2011 at 2:53 pm
At the gym I’m strictly hat. I have curly hair like you and there is just no helping it once moisture gets above 1%. Also, I can stare ever so casually without it being noticed.
February 24th, 2011 at 3:28 pm
I have two brothers, one older and the other younger, and I am the only brother who hasn’t lost his hair.
February 24th, 2011 at 3:55 pm
I’ve never understood the toupee thing either. I mean, who do they think they’re kidding? As for the poodle-doo perm thing, I have one friend who perms her hair. I had always assumed it was her natural hair because, well, why would anyone do that on purpose?
February 24th, 2011 at 4:33 pm
The second my eyes landed on that image I knew we were in for something special. I’ve practically given up on my hair. It never does what I want anyways and it will only look good after three weeks or so after I get it cut. Someone on TV called it “the haircut cycle of shame.”
February 24th, 2011 at 5:37 pm
Geakz — Oh, thank God there are no mullet heads at my gym. I’d totally have to have a conversation with him about it. Mullets are supremely wrong on every level.
HJ Smith — Yes, but how to you keep me from laughing my ass off? And how do you keep this guy from buying a curly comb-over? Can you just picture what that would look like? Oh, yeah. It’d look like me.
sparkling74 — “…like a dandelion waiting to be blown.” Oh, good Lord that visual is funny! Again, bald would be better. I say someone holds her down in the locker room and another shaves that flower right off her head.
Tonya — Without a doubt, the comb-over. They really need to just rock the bald look and shave off flap of hair and get it over with.
Marg — I know staring is impolite, but I’m an expert at the peripheral stare. No one’s the wiser.
Daisy the Curly Cat — I hate that. You leave the salon with great looking hair and then the next morning when you try to do it, you find it’s really someone else’s head. It’s not fair. p.s., you have delightful curly hair, Miss Daisy. I bet you have none of these problems.
Ma — I would be mesmerized if I was in a position behind a toupee’d guy. I would look at nothing else. Probably try to take a picture, too.
Kandy Haluko — Ewwwww! Thanks. Thanks a lot.
lin — Yes, it’s the grass is always greener thing. So many women tell me they’d like to have my hair, but they don’t understand what it’s like. Of course, I know if I had poker straight hair, I’d probably have issues with it. Never happy, right? The tooting guy? No wonder you quit. That’s just bad manners.
alimartell — Mine’s loaded. I haven’t yet written about all the senior citizens who show up at 5 freaking 30 in the morning to workout. Why? Why are they there when we’re there? They’re supposed to be “out in the wild” in the middle of the morning or afternoon when we’re all at work. As God is my witness, I will not go out in public when I retire when all the working people are trying to get something done. There. I said it.
absepa — And don’t they have wives that should tell them how ridiculous they look? Oh wait. Maybe they don’t have wives because they’re wearing gross toupees. Agree on the Bruce thing. He’s got it goin’ on.
MikeWJ — “Tribbles” Ha! Yeah, mine is really out there too. The funny thing is I don’t exactly care how I look at the gym. I just pull all my crazy hair back in a scrunchy, and if people want to stare at it, go for it. Ew…. tramp stamp. Just ew.
Pricilla — I’m laughing so hard at the thought of you munching on that curly toupee. So thick and yummy, eh? Like a head of lettuce.
Linda Medrano — You know, I hadn’t thought of that. How many good toupees I don’t even notice because they’re done right? p.s. My padded butt is all natural.
Babs Beetle — My husband is lucky. He has a good shaped head to be bald with. Good jaw line. Great shape. In fact, he looks so good bald, it’s weird when I see a picture of him back when he had hair. I think he looks better without!
daughterbonnie — I’ve thought of wearing a baseball cap to the gym, but I don’t see anyone else wearing one, so I’m nervous to do so. I might do it now that I know you do. I love caps. I can just smash all my hair down and calm the savage beast.
Mike — You lucky, lucky man. I bet they hate you.
Wordfiend — No, no one wants poodle hair on purpose. I almost cried at the salon the last time I went because I realized how poodly I looked and it’s very upsetting. I had my stylist give me a good trim and now I’m not sad anymore.
Criminal Justice Degree — I hate that!!!! It’s been over two weeks since I had my hair cut and I’m only now liking how it’s turning out in the morning. Sucks, eh?
February 24th, 2011 at 11:30 pm
Thank you for this post, Kathy. I was debating between a toupee and a comb-over, and now I know which way to go! LOL
Ferd´s last blog post ..Pee Dee National Wildlife Refuge
February 24th, 2011 at 11:56 pm
Well now I can’t stop thinking about how gross it is to sweat in a toupe, because you KNOW there a bunch of toupe guys who never wash the damn thing. GROSSS!!!!!!
Margaret (Nanny Goats)´s last blog post ..Goat Thing of the Day- Dancing Goats
February 25th, 2011 at 5:40 am
I hadn’t thought about sweatin’ in a toupee until Margaret mentioned it — yuck!
I often wonder what people would/do blog about me at the gym. I imagine they consider me a stuck up betch who will not make eye contact and who always wants to be the last one off the elliptical machine.
And that’s basically true.
cardiogirl´s last blog post ..Mama needs a Royal Flush and a working furnace
February 25th, 2011 at 8:51 am
All I can say is that I got fascinated with the hair– a hair that is too much to bear.
February 25th, 2011 at 1:32 pm
I’ll take bad hair over a man who wears those super thin cotton short liners ONLY while running on the treadmill; I used to have to look at a guy’s barely-restrained tackle in the mirror almost every time I went to the gym. You are no Baryshnikov, pal.
My question is, what does a sweated-in toupee smell like after a while? Can you launder those bad boys? Because ew.
Shieldmaiden1196´s last blog post ..My Mixed Marriage
February 26th, 2011 at 1:40 am
The gym toupee is an interesting idea. I think if I got to the toupee point, I would get 10 of them that looked different and just swap them out on occasion to make people feel awkward and unconfortable when the debate the etiquette of mentioning to me that they noticed my new toupee that day.
Cromely´s last blog post ..Spam Fail
February 26th, 2011 at 11:04 am
Give me bald any day!
CatLadyLarew´s last blog post ..Guess Whos Back
February 26th, 2011 at 1:24 pm
I used to have very long blond hair. When i was a student i was a bit low on money and my friend told me i could get paid for my hair… so in the end i had my head shave and got about eighty pounds! Plus my mum was happy that I looked respectable again.
Jimmy´s last blog post ..How to make an autotune video
February 26th, 2011 at 7:58 pm
Gerard has a big bald spot and I know it bothers him, but at least he doesn’t want a toupee. He just wears hats a lot.
Karen and Gerard´s last blog post ..5 Things We Learned This Week 8 of 2011 Facebook- teens- animals- Bowling- Survivor
February 26th, 2011 at 9:42 pm
Yeah, when my hair gets too thin, I’m just going to shave my head.
J. Bear Savo´s last blog post ..Career Day
February 26th, 2011 at 11:13 pm
There is a guy at my work who looks like a Ken doll. He has the most obvious toupee (why is it spelled TWO PEE) and it is hard looking and high, just like Ken’s hair. He has a mustache… adding to the look. Actually he is a handsome man, but I don’t get a toupee when it is so obvious. Personally I almost think he or any man would be more handsome with a shaved head. But who am I to talk. My instyler is broken and I am now doomed to kinky, curly hair. Ugh.
February 28th, 2011 at 7:20 pm
Oh My Goodness! Now that I know there is fodder LIKE THIS, maybe I WILL join a gym!
March 1st, 2011 at 4:34 pm
You know, it never occurred to me that fodder worked two ways. This changes everything.
Jen´s last blog post ..Charlie Sheen on Mission to Bring Back Favorite Catchwords from the 80s
March 2nd, 2011 at 1:40 pm
Home perms were about the worst part of my youth. But a perm toupee? WHY? Seriously? Who thought that should exist? Can NOT imagine. How did you manage to get through that workout?
Paula/adhocmom´s last blog post ..Will This Birthday Ever End
March 16th, 2011 at 11:16 am
While I never realized it growing up, peoples egos (even people that you ‘assume’ are normal, can be pretty fragile. I haven’t had that problem. I am pretty much bald….who cares, it is the way I look. But others…..well others don’t have that ability. My biggest gawker movment is seeing someone that is in their 50s with a hideous ‘comb-over’ that starts at one ear and crosses their head to the other side. I mean really, da nile isn’t just a river in Egypt.
Bruce´s last blog post ..The Teach-Able Moment
April 11th, 2011 at 5:15 pm
I was thinking about this earlier and I was wondering, are you sure it wasn’t this… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ck7LvrHCokA hee-hee. I know you said it was really curly so I just thought, maybe???
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