Steak-umms I was incredulous.

There I was, shopping for one of my favorite kid meals. The kind of meal you still eat as an adult, but that you’d never admit to in mixed company.

Like maybe Trix cereal with chocolate milk. And a bowl of sugar on the side.

What do I jones for from my kiddom?

Steak-umms. That’s right. Steak with umm in the name. You umm when you eat ‘em.

For those unfamiliar with this delicacy, Steak-umms are thin frozen sheets of unidentifiable meat. Meat from some part of the cow, you just don’t know which one. Probably a lot of parts. Let’s just call it “Other.”

Other tastes delicious on a crispy hoagie roll, with lots of gooey cheese. And grease. And maybe peppers if you like them.

They’re so freaking good, chopped up and fried in a pan.

Now. I know we ain’t talkin’ high end steak here. I know that meat you have to peel away from paper isn’t top shelf. Not even close.

I also know that a 16-slice box should not cost a whopping $12.49.

They’re SHEETS OF OTHER MEAT!

I quickly shifted over to old people mode and started complaining aloud to no one in particular about the price of meat these days.

Since I’d already carted up all the other things needed to make my sandwiches, the Steak-umms forced my hand and I had to buy them.

But not before I asked a cashier to please check the price at the register and make sure it was really twelve forty I-don’t-wanna-pay-that.

It was.

Check again, please.

Still $12.49.

OK, so I broke my piggy bank and paid for them.

As soon as I got home, I emailed the Steak-umm people.

Hi. I just paid an outrageous price of $12.49 for a 16-slice box of Steak-umms. I had the cashier double check the price and he said it was correct. If this is what you’re charging for steak that’s not filet mignon, I have no plans to buy it again. The only reason I did was because I’d already carted all the other items I was going to make the sandwiches with.

Can you tell me if that price is really correct? I just can’t believe that it is. Thank you.

I got a quick response from someone who told me they can’t control the retail price and that “surely” I “understand that economic factors have impacted all of our grocery budgets in recent months.”

They said “surely,” which really means “You ignorant woman who must live under a rock to not realize that everything got real expensive in the last year or so and get off your high horse and just buy the damn meat if you want it so bad.”

They went on to say they don’t give out coupons and that I should look for in-store sales instead.

Something tells me they just don’t give coupons to cranky people with ‘tude.

For those of you familiar with Steak-umms, how do you make yours? Do you use Cheez Whiz? Sauce? Peppers? Onion? Toasted roll? Non-toasted?

Stumble it!