The Junk Drawer

Honestly.

I don’t know how anyone tolerated texting in the old days. And by “old days,” I mean last year.

You know the way, don’t you?

Press the number 8 key on your phone once to get a letter “T.”

Press the number 4 key on your phone twice to get a letter “h.”

Press the number 4 key on your phone thrice to get a letter “i.”

Press the number 7 key on your phone four times to get a letter “s.”

Press the number 4 key on your phone thrice to get a letter “i.”

Press the number 7 key on your phone four times to get a letter “s.”

Press the number 2 key on your phone twice to get a letter “b.”

Press the number 8 key on your phone twice to get a letter “u.”

Press the number 5 key on your phone thrice to get a letter “l.”

Press the number 5 key on your phone thrice to get a letter “l.”

Press the number 7 key on your phone four times to get a letter “s.”

Press the number 4 key on your phone twice to get a letter “h.”

Press the number 4 key on your phone thrice to get a letter “i.”

Press the number 8 key on your phone once to get a letter “t.”

Press the star key to get to the punctuation menu for a “.”

Today I texted with the contractor we hired to work on a bathroom. I set out to tell him to arrive at my house at 11:30 and I would leave work and meet him there.

It took me so long to type that message, I had to change the time to 11:40.

I hate texting with my Playskool phone because not only does it take me forever to tap out letters, I must use proper punctuation, spelling and capitalization. I also don’t use “2” for “to” or “u” for “you.”

Shut up. I know I’m making it harder than it has to be, but you gotta admit it’s pretty ludicrous to begin with. Now somebody buy me an iPhone with a data plan and make it snappy.

Happy Thanksgiving blessings to everyone! May your house be full of fun and laughter, your plates be overflowing and your pants be all stretchy like.

Amen.

Yo.

It’s been forever since I had an item for my Food That Looks Like Stuff series.

Today, I have a laughing rhino, courtesy of my egg and cheese breakfast sandwich.

Why do I even know what my melted cheese looks like inside?

Because I never enter the perfect heat time for these stupid things. One microwave I use takes 2 minutes, another 1:45 min, and yet another 1:30.

Because I forget which is which, I usually over-melt my cheese and it comes out scalding hot.

So I lift the lid to my sandwich and let it cool down before shoving it in my pie hole.

I give you, laughing rhino cheese head!

p.s. Rhinos are yummy.