Alternate Units of Measurement
Bizarre, food February 12th, 2013
The other day I was working on a PC problem in a client’s office. The client allowed me access while he wasn’t there, and also offered me any amount of Hershey Kisses he leaves in a giant cookie jar on his desk.
While working on the problem, I called a colleague to toss around some ideas about how to fix it. I told her about the client offering me chocolate from the cookie jar.
The jar is enormous. Really, like, I don’t know where you’d even buy one that big.
To give her an idea of how big it was, I tried to think of a way to estimate its size.
I did not say it was about a foot and a half tall and a foot wide.
I did not say that it was about three times the size of an average cookie jar.
I did not say that it probably weighed 20 pounds, even without any chocolate in it.
What I did say was that you could fit a severed head in it perfectly and put the lid back on securely.
I watch a lot of true crime TV shows.
So there you go. A severed head-sized amount of chocolate, all for the taking. I took about an ear’s worth.
Stumble it!
February 12th, 2013 at 6:29 pm
Lol, I had a couple of those jars, I’d planned to use them for staples until I brought them home and realized they occupied every inch of my counter. You could have bathed a baby in the biggest one.
Kimberly Robinson´s last blog post ..Iditawalk 2013
February 12th, 2013 at 6:34 pm
Well, that completely caught me off guard. I don’t watch true crime TV but I watch a whole lot of fake crime TV so I can figure it out.
Cheryl´s last blog post ..Of Blizzards and Road Trips and Other Nonsense
February 12th, 2013 at 7:01 pm
I would say an ear’s worth is a polite amount to take…..oh, you mean it was the severed head of a rabbit?
Babs´s last blog post ..I wish we could Photoshop real people.
February 12th, 2013 at 7:32 pm
well…I sorta get the picture of how big it is though. Was it a big head? Or a little one?
Lin´s last blog post ..Coming Full Circle
February 12th, 2013 at 8:17 pm
Would that be severed human head size or severed horse head size? Those are completely different sizes.
Lovelyn´s last blog post ..Breaking News
February 12th, 2013 at 8:52 pm
Where else would you keep the heads? They just must match your decor. Otherwise they are just clutter;)
February 12th, 2013 at 10:06 pm
That’s a lot of chocolate – ’cause you know I’m thinking of the size of my husband’s very large ears on his very large head. (His head is so large that his eyeglass frames have to be imported from Sweden which is apparently populated with people who have VERY big heads..)
February 13th, 2013 at 6:59 am
Kim — Bathing a baby is a worse, and thus better, image than severed head. I tip my hat to you, ma’am.
Cheryl — Severed heads should catch people off guard, though if I saw one IRL I’d probably think it was a joke first. Then I’d scream and throw up.
Babs — If I was hungry (or stressed) enough I’d eat a severed rabbit’s head’s ear’s worth. How’s that for an estimation?
Lin — Hee. Just a normal every day severed human head sized head. What a vision, huh?
Lovelyn — Har. We’re talking human head here. And I wouldn’t get much more chocolate if I ate a severed horse’s head ear.
Denise — Seriously. All severed heads should be in their proper place. With the lid on, of course.
Grace — That’s hilarious, although I suspect your husband doesn’t think it’s all that funny.
February 13th, 2013 at 9:54 am
The publicist says that she is now remembering old B movies from the 50ies.
How many apples would it have held? That is my system of measurement
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February 13th, 2013 at 11:43 am
And…how big was the wastepaper basket you threw the ear’s worth of foil wrapping in? Was it big enough to stuff the armless, legless, and headless torso of a human body in?
February 13th, 2013 at 11:53 am
So my first thought was you watched the Zorro movie, which featured a severed head in a jar. Anyway, I know exactly how large you mean, LOL!
February 14th, 2013 at 4:14 pm
Oh, Kathy! That is too funny. I wish I had a jar giant enough for a severed head – filled with chocolate!
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February 15th, 2013 at 9:34 am
As you probably know, I’m a massive crime show aficionado and I can totally relate to containers that could handle one severed head (or possibly two, if said container was purchased at Costco.) Nice translation!
p.s. Have you seen Homicide Hunter with Lt. Joe Kenda on Investigation Discovery? If not, you must Google videos of him immediately.
I love that man. My love for him has eclipsed the love I had for Seal and Heidi Klum’s union.
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February 15th, 2013 at 4:41 pm
It’s highly unusual for an attractive young woman to be so fascinated by severed heads. I’m glad I can read your blog posts from afar. I have a sizable head and the hair left on it is gray. I fear you may someday prefer mounting heads on a wall to imagining them still talking or in big jars. I once worked for a man who had large animal heads on the wall’s of his office. I often warned co-workers that anything less than success could warrant a headset on his wall.
Ben Swilley´s last blog post ..Fat Tuesday in Athens
February 16th, 2013 at 5:56 pm
Sounds like you were very conservative. And an ear’s worth is better than a runny nose’s worth.
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February 17th, 2013 at 8:46 am
That sounds like the size container I need for my treats…
Daisy the Curly Cat´s last blog post ..Oh Sheet!
February 17th, 2013 at 12:28 pm
You definitely think “out of the box.” I would never think to measure something in this way! You’re too funny! Ha, ha!
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February 17th, 2013 at 2:06 pm
Pricilla — Hee. By my estimation, it could hold about 20 medium sized apples. One head = 20 apples.
Michael — You had to ask, didn’t you? I didn’t want to throw away all the wrappers in my client’s trash can because I didn’t want him to know I had more than just one or two. Kisses are like chips to me. Can’t eat just one. Or ten.
Susan — Ooooo! Really? The first thing I thought of was the severed head in Silence of the Lambs, when Jodie Foster goes looking for clues in the storage garage and find one in an old car. I had a heart attack when that was revealed!
Meleah Rebeccah — Doesn’t everyone?
cardiogirl — Oh, yeah. Costco surely must sell jars large enough for multiple heads. I think they sell cheese curl balls in them. OMG, if you love Joe more than Heidi and Seal, then I have to find him. I saw one video online, never saw him before. Not sure I have that channel. I can imagine how much you love that show!
Ben Swilley — All I read was “an attractive young woman.” I love you. Don’t tell my husband. OK, that former boss? I’m glad they were only animal heads.
sharkbytes — I can actually eat a stunning amount of chocolate in one sitting. Like, a skull’s worth.
Daisy the Curly Cat — Hee. You would love that, Daisy. But it would take you eleventy billion years to eat them all!
Karen — Of course you wouldn’t, because you know, you’re normal.
February 17th, 2013 at 5:08 pm
I’ll use that as a description next time I get a jar that size at one of my auctions.
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February 17th, 2013 at 7:07 pm
I’m glad that I’m not the only one in the family who cannot compare things using standard measuring units. I hate when people say…it’s the size of a football field….or it’s 100 yards away.I can’t visualize anything using those descriptions. I completely understand the size of a jar that can fit a severed head, tho. Someone needs to invent a new measuring system for freaks. Kathy, you’re hired!
February 18th, 2013 at 6:35 am
J. Bear — Like I said on FB, I would love if you described a jar that way, just to see the looks on people’s faces! Do it!
ann — I know! I saw one newscast overlay that meteor that streaked over Russia on top of a football field, with yards to show the size. I’m like, no. What is that? A size of a bus? No yards! Give me things!
February 18th, 2013 at 1:48 pm
I would have taken a DD boob’s worth. I watch a lot of pr0n.
February 18th, 2013 at 9:06 pm
Look deep within yourself Clarice.
April 9th, 2013 at 10:56 pm
The next time I read a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as considerably as this 1. I mean, I know it was my selection to read, but I actually thought youd have something fascinating to say. All I hear is often a bunch of whining about something which you could fix if you happen to werent too busy looking for attention.
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