The Junk Drawer | Humor for the Masses

I do frump really well, but today I’m a diva!

I had the honor of being interviewed by Vivienne at the deliciously spicy Diva Cosmos blog. Aside from giving me a really big head, she asked me a lot of great questions about one of the best parts of my blog — the comments!

Vivienne’s interview gave me a chance to reflect on why I think The Junk Drawer gets the number of comments it does, and how important they and my readers are to me.

I’ve always said that half the fun of blogging is reading through the comments after each post. If people stopped talking, I’d close up shop and slink away.

Click here to read the interview. If you have any follow-up questions, drop ‘em here or over at Vivienne’s place. You know comments are welcome!

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Crap. I published a post last night that, after some reflection, I wasn’t happy with. So I deleted it.

Never do that. Why? Because the post will get picked up by Feedburner and sent out to places that draw from the feed. Immediately. And there’s no undoing it.

What does that mean? Anyone who uses a feed reader, such as Google Reader, will still be able to read the post. But if they click the link back to my blog to comment, for example, the post isn’t there. Instead, you get an “Error 404 - Not Found” message. Translated, that means “This blog author is very stupid.”

The recommended course of action if you want to delete a post is to simply change the post content to something like “This post has been removed by the author.”

Or, better yet, be really sure you want to post something before you hit the Publish button. D’oh! Geesh. You’d think I’d know what I’m doing by now.

Other notable Kathy mistakes:

The night before our wedding, I made tuna casserole for my husband-to-be and me. I forgot to put the tuna in. He married me anyway, knowing full well I couldn’t cook and that the tiny roster of foods I knew how to make included tuna casserole.

I let my car run out of gas.

Follow-up blunder: I walked two blocks to a gas station, bought a gas can and pre-paid for $10 worth of gas. The can took only $2 worth. I was too embarrassed to go back and reclaim the difference.

I wore a banana hair clip into my twenties. It’s customary to stop when you’re thirteen.

On my first visit back to the eye doctor after getting fitted for contact lenses, I showed up with a lens in only one eye. My doctor so carefully danced around my stupidity, saying “I’m unable to locate the second lens.” I asked if he was sure. I asked an eye doctor, looking through $20,000 optometry equipment, if he was sure.

For the record, I was able to come up with these mistakes in less than five minutes. I could run a whole new blog on my mistakes alone. It’s hard being me.

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This will be a short post, as I was out very late last night at a dinner engagement. We were still being served food at 11:30PM, which means I’m very tired and bloated at the moment. I considered it marathon training for Thanksgiving dinner.

Here’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for AND the moment I missed because I was shoving pecan pie down my gullet.

The Junk Drawer’s 10,000th commenter was ……..

ImitationAngel !!!!

For winning The Junk Drawer Comment Extravaganza, ImitationAngel receives a Junk Drawer magnet, mug and mousepad, as well as a mug or mousepad with her blog’s logo on it. She’ll also receive a $20 Amazon e-gift card.

Thanks for all your comments leading up to the big moment! I could feel the frenzy by late afternoon and it was great fun wondering who the lucky winner would be.

I considered trying to get out of the dinner by explaining that I had to stay home to blogsit. But I’m not sure that reason would have gone over well with the host.

Don’t worry, though. I plan to staple myself to a chair for comment #20,000. I’m not missing that!

Thanks again everyone, and enjoy your Sunday!

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Now I’m workin’ on 10,000 smilies at Humor-Blogs.com!

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Stinky doesn’t want you to forget about the chance to win cool prizes. And I want to make sure you know it’s possible we’ll reach the magic number this weekend. Please don’t miss the window of opportunity.

Cancel your life for a while if you have to. Just be there at #9,999!

UPDATE: I removed the counter since we’re getting so close. The removal of the counter ensures that no one will really know when we hit 10,000 and we can keep the winning comment truly random.

***** The Winner’s Circle *****

The latest winners of the Random Comment Picked-by-My-Husband Contest are:

From the last post, comment #42, Karen of A Strange Life Revisited.

From the post before, comment #84, Gandalf and Grayson.

Congratulations on winning a Junk Drawer magnet! I’ll be in touch with both of you shortly.

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One final thing, I’m tired of hanging out in the basement of Humor-Blogs.com, so if you click this link and smiley me, it might get me up to the first floor where all the cool kids hang out.

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I knew when I started the What’s That? Wednesday series, I figured there’d be times when I’d forget to post one on Wednesday. As it’s turning out, not only do I not always have an item for a Wednesday, I feel like posting one on Saturday. I’m scattered like that.

So here goes, your weekend version of What’s That? Wednesday:

How it works:

1. The photo shows a small portion of a larger object.

2. First person to guess the object it’s a part of wins either 500 Entrecard credits or a Junk Drawer magnet, your choice.

What’s That?

Today also brings us our first Comment Extravaganza winner, Bernie O’Hare! In my last post, I wrote that my husband would pick a random comment from each post leading up to my blog reaching its 10,000th comment. The winner receives a Junk Drawer magnet. Dave picked #23.

Bernie runs a very popular political blog called Lehigh Valley Ramblings. He stumbled onto my blog through the blog of newspaper columnist Bill White, who mentioned The Junk Drawer. When Bernie spotlighted my post about grade school memories almost a year ago today, it gave my readership a nice shot in the arm and I’ve never forgotten what that did for me.

I share this history with you because it illustrates how much sheer luck is involved in growing your blog. If Bill White hadn’t mentioned me, Bernie never would have found me and then a year later he wouldn’t have suggested me to our regional paper to be a member of Valley Blogosphere. I’m eternally grateful for the new exposure, both in print and online.

So if you’re a struggling blogger and you think no one’s reading you, don’t give up. Keep writing your best stuff and you never know when someone with influence will find you and give you a boost. It can come from anywhere, anytime. Be ready for it.

CONTEST CLOSED. We have a winner!

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A lot of blogs kick my giant butt in search engine optimization (SEO). Indeed, I get only a small percentage of visitors from search results.

But what I lack in those kinds of visits, I more than make up for with a loyal following and a healthy amount of comments, and that makes me happier than a pig in poop. Oink!

Comments are the life blood of my blog. I write, you comment, I jettison coffee out my nose reading what you have to say. That’s how it works.

My sidebar displays a live comment counter, and as you can see, we’re reaching quite a milestone — 10,000 comments!

So what shall we do about that? How about a Junk Drawer contest to beat all other contests?

To whoever leaves the 10,000th comment*, you will receive:

A Junk Drawer mug, suitable for any beverage or for putting under a spotlight on your mantle.

A Junk Drawer mouse pad, because mice want to click in style.

A Junk Drawer magnet that your fridge will appreciate.

A $20 Amazon gift card. Money good.

A mug or mouse pad with YOUR blog’s logo on it.

In case you’re worried that the 10,000th comment will be left in the middle of the night and you’ll miss your opportunity, I’m also offering chances to win a magnet with your logo or mine, your choice.

Until we hit the magic number, my husband Dave will choose one random comment** from new posts (including this one). I’ll give him the total amount of comments for each and he’ll pick a random number. I’ll take the final total as soon as I put up another new post.

I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you guys keep coming back for whatever it is you find entertaining here and stop long enough to chat about it. It’s what makes The Junk Drawer what it is today. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Give yourselves a hand and watch that counter!

* Spam comments are not recorded in the counter.

** Resist the urge to leave a million comments because it’ll disqualify you.

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Today’s post is doing double duty.

First, for those playing What’s That? Wednesday, you have another chance to win a Junk Drawer magnet if you can guess the object pictured here. Remember, this photo shows only a small portion of a larger object.

Congratulations to blogless Marlene for guessing that last week’s photo was stick deodorant. Ah! The smell of sweet success! Your prize is on the way.

                                        ****

Next up we have the first ever Junk Drawer interview with — drum roll, please — ME! I have a nasty habit of asking my readers questions about themselves, but I seldom answer the questions myself.

My pal Beamer of BMW Rules either decided enough was enough, or he’s really interested in digging deep within the recesses of my cob-webby brain.

Either way, I owe you guys some answers. Depending on how well it’s received, I may never agree to another one.

One side note: I disclosed my miserable high school SAT score in the second half of his two-part interview. A day later, I told him I had regrets about telling the world how lousy it was, and he graciously allowed me to pull it.

You might learn more about me in the interview, but you’ll never know my SAT score. It dies with me.

So head on over to Beamer’s place and check out Part I of The Junk Drawer interview!

UPDATE: And now you can read Part II of The Junk Drawer interview. Beamer posted it today. Maybe I should run another contest to see if anyone can guess my SAT score?

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Let’s say this post is doing triple duty. Smiley me at Humor-Blogs.com, will ya?

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I think I need an intervention. Since I started blogging last summer, my daily routine has changed dramatically. It’s gotten to be like a second job.

I sometimes joke that I need an assistant to accomplish everything I want to do in a day related to my blog.

Writing for the blog is a walk in the park. It’s the “… other blogging duties as assigned” requirement that takes up a good chunk of my time.

See how you compare.

Herewith is my typical blogging day (don’t worry …. somewhere in here I have a life, but just barely):

5am - 7am:

Review spam comments and release those incorrectly tagged;

Review and respond to comments, about 25 per day;

Update the number of days the plastic bag is still stuck in the tree (see count in sidebar);

Check my stats (total visitors from day before, backtrack interesting places visitors came from);

Check blogs where I’ve been backlinked (based on Technorati and WordPress dashboard links);

Check BlogCatalog discussions and comment if something piques my interest;

Check Humor-Blogs for posts from my fellow humor writers and vote up my favorite ones;

Check Twitter for responses to my Tweets; read other Tweets from my Tweet Peeps;

Drop the maximum Entrecard cards (300) while commenting along the way;

Study effectiveness of having purchased ads on Entrecard sites to see which I should buy again;

Write a new post, mull over a new post or stress about not having a new post;

8am - 5pm: The Day Job

6pm - 8pm:

Review spam comments and release those incorrectly tagged;

Review and respond to comments;

Check Twitter and BlogCatalog again and engage if the mood strikes;

Return to comments left during the day and follow them back to the author’s blog; comment on theirs when the mood strikes; buy an Entrecard ad if they are an EC member and I can afford them;

Enjoy other blogs and comment. I religiously follow 26 blogs daily;

Respond to direct emails from other bloggers;

Write a new post, mull over a new post or stress about not having a new post;

9pm: Watch Family Feud.

10pm: Lights out and hope to literally dream up a blog post.

OK, so that’s four hours a day during the week. You thought this was a part-time job? Hell no!

Weekend duties:

Research and consider new WordPress plug-ins to use;

Read and comment on blogs I didn’t get a chance to visit during the work week;

Explore new ways to market my blog;

Sweat profusely if my host server goes down for Saturday morning maintenance or has a load issue;

Write a new post, mull over a new post or stress about not having a new post;

Check Copyscape to see if anyone stole my content;

Respond to direct emails from a half dozen close blogger friends.

Call or visit friends and family who haven’t abandoned me for being chained to my blog.

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So there you have it. My blogging life. If I ever manage to take a week’s vacation, is anyone up to the task of filling in for me? There’s nothing in it for you except the satisfaction of helping to keep The Junk Drawer breathing.

Although you’re probably too busy with your own blogs and might wonder, like I do, what you ever did before you started blogging.

Can you remember what you used to do before you gave yourself over to the Blog Monster?

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Until the first snowflake falls, this is where I’ll be blogging:

I love sitting out on my patio, enjoying the morning or evening air. The stillness, the peace, the tranquility. It’s the one space I where I can get far from the ear-splitting, earth-shaking tremors brought on by the theater-quality audio system my husband bought to accompany our HDTV.

The audio system that has my cats hearing things that aren’t really in the room and now they need therapy.

The audio system that requires its own stupid remote control.

The audio system that is the size of a microwave and needs its own stabilizing table.

The audio system so sensitive that when I moved one of its speakers to dust, it gave my husband a coronary and prompted a lecture that every time I move one of them — so much as an inch — the whole system needs to be recalibrated and don’t you understand hi-tech audio, woman?

Um. No?

I don’t know what I’m going to do in winter. Earmuffs? Cone of silence? Move?

I’m curious where you guys blog. Drop your comments in the drawer — quietly.

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