Is Anyone Dumber Than Me? Anyone? Anyone?
Stupid things I do December 31st, 2007
I’m a good driver. Really, I am. I just can’t handle getting my car in and out of the garage. They never teach you that in driver’s education. Apparently I needed a special class for driving at .2 MPH.
Getting out:
There was the time I was in such a hurry to get to a hair appointment, I failed to wait long enough for the door to go up before I started backing out. The door scraped the entire length of my car’s trunk before I realized my mistake. It was a costly one: $500 to replace the whole hood.
Getting in:
Today when I returned from an errand, I decided to back my car into the garage. But I did it from the opposite direction that I’m used to doing it. I cut it way too close to the edge of the garage and my side view mirror ripped off half the garage frame’s molding. Nice.
The vinyl strip came down and wedged itself between the mirror and the driver’s side door. If I put the car in reverse, I’d pull more off the frame. If I pulled ahead, I’d scrape my car door. So I just sat there for a second or two.
Luckily I had my cell phone.
Ring… ring… ring…
"Dave?"
"Yeah?"
"I got in an accident."
"You OK? Where are you?"
"Um. The garage. Can you come help me?"
Click.
Dave gets to the garage and studies things for a moment, while I’m trapped in my car long enough to feel my stupidity weighing heavily on me. He shakes his head and figures out he can pull the molding down from under the mirror without too much more damage, but it has to come off the garage frame. Fine. Do what ya gotta do.
The molding can be tapped back onto the frame, but it won’t ever be right again. It’s all mangled and sad-looking. And I did scratch my car. I doubt it can be buffed out, and so now I’ll always be reminded of the degree of dumbness I possess. I’m really glad I’m not into the fancy, expensive car thing.
OK, folks. Time for you to share your dumb driving experiences. You didn’t think I posted this for your benefit, did you? I’m looking for the dumb, stupid, idiotic stuff. Make me feel better.
Ready, set, go!
Stumble it!
December 31st, 2007 at 7:15 pm
I LOVE that you had to call him. From the garage. LOVE IT. Seriously – I think you may be my most favoritest person EVER.
I can’t back my car in anywhere. So I don’t even try. Otherwise I’d be calling folks from the garage and each and every parking lot.
I don’t have a lot of dumb driving stories. Only on the way home from my first date w/ Mark we were talking on the phone and I got pulled over by a state trooper. Taillight was out. That’s it.
Margaret’s last blog post..Mama Drama Con Queso II & Other STuff
December 31st, 2007 at 7:21 pm
Can I talk to Dave?…I need him to post the 47 pictures
he took of your driving skills….Oh,, you want me to cheer you up,, sorry I’m still laughing…….
HAPPY NEW YEAR……………
gt281’s last blog post..NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS
December 31st, 2007 at 7:48 pm
I’m a man, I’ve never had a dumb driving experince.
Lee’s last blog post..I Thought It Worked!
December 31st, 2007 at 7:53 pm
OK, I thought about it and that last comment was not completely accurate. There was that ONE time that the car was covered with snow and I was too lazy to clear it all off. The back window was completely covered. I pulled up to a stop sign that was on a slight incline. When I tried to move all I could do was spin the tires. So, I threw the car into reverse and proceeded to back into the car behind me, driven by the teenage daughter of the couple who ran the town’s weekly paper. Guess who was the subject of the editorial the next week?
Lee’s last blog post..I Thought It Worked!
December 31st, 2007 at 7:57 pm
I wish I’d been a fly on the wall when Dave got your call for help. From the garage. That is hilarious.
Let’s see. My night vision is so bad I’ve forgotten to turn on my lights at night. I got pulled over once and had NO idea what the cop was talking about.
The only other time I’ve ever been pulled over was for not having a valid license plate sticker AS I WAS ON MY WAY to the currency exchange to get one.
And then this other time? There was, like, this pack of
extremely wild teenagers in a convertible behind me, okay?! And for some reason, I don’t know, they just started to taunt me! And so then I paid the
toll, and then they started to follow me, alright?!
I tried to lose them, and, and, but they were in this really like a souped up car, you know?! And so . . . oh, wait, that didn’t exactly happen to me.
JD’s last blog post..I Like Porn so you don’t have to
December 31st, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Oh dear. There is a reason I do not drive, because I would be doing stuff like this all the time. It is safer for everyone involved if I just take the bus.
Riayn’s last blog post..Things I want to do in 2008
December 31st, 2007 at 8:51 pm
In 2004, me and my friends took a trip to Quebec City which according to me is the most beautiful city in North America. So you can imagine how excited and happy we were when we got there.
For our trip, we rented a Dodge Caravan (Minivan). Our hotel offered valet parking. On our last day, when we checked out, one of us offered to bring the car out to the front and asked the rest to wait there. In short – the smart-ass refused the valet service.
I went along with him. Our van was tightly parked next to a wall on the driver’s side, barely and inch away from the other cars – I told him that there was no way to get out safely unless the other cars were moved.
But Smarty decided it was no sweat I was giving him directions making sure the passenger’s side was safe. For the rest ten minutes he was turning – reversing – turning – forwarding – until he gave up. The van was now stuck at angle between a wall and three cars.
I ran in and asked to move the other cars and ran to the front to tell the others about it.
When the van finally did make it to the front, we were stunned to discover a big dent and scratches on the sliding door on the driver’s side ! I was watching the passenger’s side and totally trusted him to watch out for the driver’s side.
It was very clear that the scratches were made by a cement wall – so making up stories about another car hitting us was out of the question.
In the end – it ruined our vacation and the drive home – but we felt sorry when the Rental charged Smarty $3000 to replace the entire door !
December 31st, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Well once in a hurried angry tantrum (at my husband of course), I got into my car, pushed the garage door opener, sped out the garage door (backing out that is) with the gas to the floor. He NEVER parks behind the house in the driveway, NEVER NEVER NEVER….but that day he did and my car pushed his out of the way!!! I felt so stupid for not looking before driving…..It could have been one of the KIDS!! I got out of the car and proceeded to verbally assault him for parking his car behind mine, and he got what he deserved. But you know inside I felt really horrible, it could have been one of the kids.
Then once on a seperate occasion, I was backing out of the garage again, yelling at the kids to be quiet and stop arguing, I ripped the mirror off the van with the side of the house. It fell onto the concrete and then I ran over it crushing it to a million pieces. I eventually went to the junk yard bought a replacement and installed it myself. It even worked with the electronic buttons on the inside…I was so proud.
Sam’s last blog post..Borrowing is sometimes better
December 31st, 2007 at 9:04 pm
All my driving mishaps like this one have happened in parking lots or garages. Apparently, I have a problem dodging stationary posts in parking garages.
December 31st, 2007 at 10:21 pm
I got a new, bigger car and had to back it into my garage and after doing it a few times, I scraped the right side. A guy that lived next to me saw what I did and said, “Of course, your back end is wider than your front end.”
At first I thought he was talking about my ass and I was ready to yell at him. Then I realized he was talking about my car and was relieved to know there was a reason for the damage I did. Who notices that a back end is wider than a front end on a Ford?
Suzy’s last blog post..The Sexy Sweaters Of New Year’s Eve
December 31st, 2007 at 11:00 pm
LOL at you calling him from the garage…too funny.
I backed into a post in a parking lot once. It was a big orange post. They painted it orange so it would stand out. I was trying to avoid the non-painted post and was shocked when I hit something. Damn stupid orange post.
DrowseyMonkey’s last blog post..Happy New Year!
January 1st, 2008 at 4:36 am
I tore my passenger side mirror off on a tree in San Francisco once.
And I once parked in a fire lane. During a fire. With a fire truck there. On a fireman, actually. Boy, was he mad, until I explained that I REALLY needed my morning coffee. I bought him one too and we had a good laugh about the whole thing.
the frogster’s last blog post..The Frogster’s Predictions for 2008
January 1st, 2008 at 7:07 am
Thanks everybody! I’m feeling better already 🙂
Margaret — My only other option was possibly crawl out the passenger door, but this after-holidays body would have never made it. I would have gotten stuck and still had to call my husband from the car. Glad you had nothing more than a tail light problem!
gt281 — Mercifully, Dave didn’t go grab the camera before helping me get out. And same to you. Happy 2008!
Lee — I knew you must’ve been kidding on your first comment. Good one! And news coverage no less.
JD — That Seinfeld scene is one of my favorites! Crazy teens! Got any Hennigans?
Riayn — I bet if you don’t drive a car much, you’d be BETTER at it than me. Me thinks you’d be a whole lot more careful behind the wheel.
Jaffer — Worst backing-out story. EVER! Wow, I really pity your friend. That was a very expensive mistake. The only person I feel more sorry for is Sam.
Sam — I told a friend my garage story last night and she said her husband did EXACTLY the same thing. He had pulled her car out of the driveway and left it at the bottom. Then he backed his truck right into it! Had to replace a quarter panel. Cost over $1,000. Feel better?
DayJobNuker — Think of all the cars that have been saved from you by the posts! I’m glad I drive a small car, or I’d be running into them on a regular basis.
Suzy — Funny! I’d have thought the same thing. “What’s he talking about my butt for? What’d I ever do to him?”
DrowseyMonkey — Evil orange post things! Bright colors are not enough. They should also have a flag on them, and they should have flashing strobe lights.
Frogster — Evil trees! Fire lanes are really coffee lanes. Um, unless there’s a fire.
January 1st, 2008 at 9:11 am
Hi! Thank you for all your support during the year. Happy New Year! and all the best for 2008!
Regards
Peter
Peter McCartney’s last blog post..My answers you seek are within
January 1st, 2008 at 10:27 am
Take it easy on your car girlfriend. Let’s see, stupid, I got stupid car mistakes. A friend of mine took my car someone to “park” and it ended up getting stuck in the mud, I had to leave it overnight. I also broke an antenna in the same area. I was giving a car away to charity and I turned the corner in my driveway and took the driver side mirror off. I’m really a good driver though, but I do some stupid stuff at times.
Natural Woman’s last blog post..Money Monday Tip #8
January 1st, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Well, I can’t drive but I have a few dumb catr experiances…
One time when my mom was closing the car window, and I stuck three fingers out the window to wave at something. Suddenly my fingers start hurting. The window closed on my fingers. It hurt. A lot.
Another time when I was little, I locked myself in the car. With the car keys. And since I was so little I had no idea how to unlock the door. Luckily, my mom had an extra pair of keys.
Those are two of my car mishaps.
January 1st, 2008 at 1:32 pm
I’ve not had many dumb driving experiences, but here’s one. I was backing out of someone’s driveway one night when it was pouring down rain and when I cut my tires to turn into the road, I ended up putting one tire into a drainage ditch. The left front tire was in the ditch, and the right rear tire was up in the air. I was stuck. I had to call a wrecker to haul me out.
By the way, I found you from the Blog Catalog.
Libertine’s last blog post..Banned Words for 2008
January 1st, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Peter — So glad to have you hangin’ around The Junk Drawer. The pleasure’s all mine. Best to you in the new year. It’s gonna be a great, bloggy 2008!
Natural Woman — I’ve not had the misfortune of getting stuck in mud, thankfully. And I’m really mad at my mirror. It’s what I hit the side of the garage with. Yeah. That’s right. I’m blaming it on the mirror now.
Regan — Ouch. Double ouch! I crushed my fingers in a door once. I wanted to see if my fingers could fit in the part where the hinges are. As the door closed, it crushed my wittle hands. Luckily, it was at a doctor’s office. Good place to be. So you see, your experience was unfortunate. Mine was stupid.
Libertine — Not much you can do in that situation except to get a haul. Sorry! I love BC. Great place to find interesting people. Glad you hopped over! And I was thinking of posting about the Banished Words list (did last year), but you’ve summed it up so well. Everybody should just go over and read yours!
January 1st, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I had the Thule pod on top of the car. I proceeded to drive into the garage and whack the top of it on the garage door. That’s when I remembered it was on top of the car. I slammed on the brakes. But did I stop there? Heck no! I pulled back out and did more damage. I was sick. That pod wasn’t cheap and it has to be waterproof. It was cracked badly. Fortunately we managed to get some special patch material and fix it. But that was after hours of being mad and not having a solution. It looks like crap but it’s at the very top. A few hours later I broke my ankle. It was not a good day! You are in good company!
windyridge’s last blog post..Happy New Year!
January 1st, 2008 at 3:35 pm
So. You’re a good driver, but it seems you’re not a good parker.
The dumbest thing I ever did was with my first car. I was a teenager, and it started overheating on the 401 (major highway). The 401 tends to go from moving at 100 km/h to standstill. It did this while I was looking at the temperature gauge. I’ll let your imagination put together the rest.
January 1st, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Windyridge — OK, you made me have to look up “Thule pod.” I’m supposed to feel less dumb, not more. For those who don’t know what it is, a thule pod is one of those big storage containers you lock down on the top of a car or truck. OK, now. I’m sorry, but your comment is making me laugh. I know it’s not supposed to, but it does. I lost it when I hit “I broke my ankle.” I’m so sorry that I’m laughing. I can’t help it. Thank you for sharing, but I’m really sorry you had these mishaps and hope your ankle healed up quick! Now stop making me laugh.
January 1st, 2008 at 4:47 pm
One time when I was a teen I was showing off to my friend and doing donuts (or shitties as we called them) in the college parking lot. But then I miscalculated and buried my car in snowdrift and couldn’t get it out. Later I had to ask my dad to come over and pull me out. He not only pulled my car, but he also pulled my keys for about a month.
Great post Kathy. You make it SO much fun to laugh at your expense. Thank you for that!
Jeff’s last blog post..Bless the Invisible Children
January 1st, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Mike — I put it together and it ain’t pretty.
Jeff — Good one! I imagine in Minnesota, there’s a lot of opportunity to bury your car in the snow.
Glad you liked it and I’m happy to oblige. Lord knows there’ll be plenty more laughing at my expense.
January 1st, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Don’t apologize. I laughed as I was writing it! That was in May. I can laugh now.
windyridge’s last blog post..Happy New Year!
January 1st, 2008 at 8:36 pm
Thank you so much for sharing this!
I don’t have any funny/dumb driving experiences, but there are two things I cannot do:
1. Parallel Park
2. Back into a parking spot.
I will share a stupid thing my husband did recently. At work he makes sure to park away from anyone else, to lessen the risk of damaage to his new truck. About two months ago he backed into a light pole as he was pulling into a parking spot. That 20-foot light pole just jumped out of nowhere.
January 1st, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Jacki — I can almost sorta parallel park, but I usually wind up miles from the curb. You know how I am with the backing in thing. And, oh man. Your husband must have wanted to rip his hair out. Poles be damned!
January 2nd, 2008 at 2:03 pm
Kathy, as the Safety Officer for a Logistics Company, I used to investigate accidents concerning our tractor trailer drivers. You know those big signs saying “Clearance 12’6″?” I took a new driver out for a days deliveries, to observe his driving. I saw the sign and spoke out, “Hey this trailer is 13’0”, but he blew me off with, “Oh, I go under this all the time, it’s really 14 feet.” He hit the concrete overhang at a mall so hard it peeled the trailer roof back a good ten feet, and he smashed his face on the steering wheel. I had braced myself and was uninjured. I terminated him immediately, but we did pay for his ER visit.
I don’t drive trucks anymore, and count myself lucky not to have ever been injured while driving.
However, I did bak my minivan into a light pole at Walmart, that I swear wasn’t there when I parked!
January 2nd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Hi Kathy,
Okay, I was a rookie police officer who was given the keys to the squad car (RMP) for the first time. Me and the veteran cop I was working with got a call for some sort of dispute and we went with the typical urgency for the situation, yet I was far more militant than my laid back partner who’s seen it and and done it all. Lucky for me, he wasn’t the type of guy to bark orders and he was more of a teacher than a nit picker. We handled the job, took names and information, and went back to the car which I parked “police style” about four feet from the curb with the flashing lights still on. Oh, and the keys were locked inside and the engine was running. Do you still feel dumb? I still get harrassed about htis by cops I know and I’ve been retired since late 1999. Funny post, though.
Mr. Grudge’s last blog post..First Name, Last name, Shouldn’t be a Pain
January 2nd, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Chris — It never helps to doubt the expert. Why do people do that? The light pole? I’ve determined, at least from these comments, that poles in parking lots are invisible.
Mr. Grudge — Good one! Yes, that makes me feel slightly less dumb. Unbelievably, I’ve never locked my keys in the car, but I have run out of gas. I had to walk to a nearby gas station and buy a gas can. I told the clerk “This can and 4 gallons of gas.” The can only held one gallon. Isn’t it amazing what I’ll admit to in this blog? Hmmm, maybe no one will read this comment.
January 2nd, 2008 at 6:43 pm
The dumbest thing I ever did while driving was commuting for 15 years a total of 35 miles round trip every day. I figured I wasted a good 2 years of my life doing that. Pretty Stupid. Now I live within a mile of my office and I walk to work. The world is a much happier and stress free place…(and now I can ‘afford’ one of those really fancy sports cars. )
January 2nd, 2008 at 6:47 pm
lotus07 — I bet it is. I’m so jealous. I would LOVE to be able to walk to work. There’s an industrial park within a mile of me, but oddly enough, I wouldn’t be able to walk there because there is a “No Pedestrian” crossing sign at a major road between my house and the park. So I’d still have to drive. But I’d still love to roll out of bed and be at work in 5 minutes. Oh, to dream.
January 3rd, 2008 at 3:43 pm
This sounds like a job for Billy Mays “Mighty Putty!”
cardiogirl’s last blog post..Using my anxiety for good (mostly) instead of evil
January 3rd, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Cardiogirl — Oh, no! Don’t mention that guy’s name! The man drives me batty! I can never get to the mute button fast enough. I looked at the scratches today in bright sunlight and they’re not all that bad. Probably wouldn’t even notice them if I didn’t point them out. At least my car’s not brand new, or I’d be fuming a lot more.
January 5th, 2008 at 1:07 am
Okay, so I am late to the party, but here are two of mine. One day while driving my mother’s car, I turned too soon while backing up and scraped the side of her Volare on the fence. Then I proceeded to “fix” it by going forward and doubling the damage. All the while, future hubby just sat in the passenger seat quietly saying “you know you’re hitting the fence…”. Gee, thanks, hon.
My second story involves the same car (mom’s Volare) and future hubby again. This time I ran over his head while backing up…. well, okay not HIS head, but the plaster sculpture I made of him for an art show. I forgot to put it in the car on the way to the show and backed over it…. smashing it to bits. I don’t know who cried more; me or him…. for he endured hours of sitting still and hot wax on his face for the mold…
Maureen’s last blog post..A New Year, A New Obsession
January 5th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Maureen — Points for crushing your husband’s skull… er, fake skull. Laughed about you backing up and pulling forward in your first mishap. I’m grateful I had the sense not to pull forward when I pulled down the garage frame. Usually, I can’t think on my feet like that. Volare? Now I’ll have Dean Martin in my head all day. Funny!
June 16th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
i have had to bad car experiences
1. i was like 2 and my mom lock the car and forgot her keys and i could not get out of my childproof no open carseat (dang that thing) so my mom had to call the police and they slite the window or sonmething
2.my dad asked me to back up the car by easing off the brake well i did the exacted opposite i floored the gas and my dad ended up in the middle of the road with the car and me being very stund by wat i had did
June 16th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
brooke — Those are both so scary. You were not the first kid to be stuck in a car seat with the doors locked. I’m sure your mom was out of her mind with fright! And I’d venture to say lots of people picked the wrong floor pedal and wound up somewhere they didn’t expect.
August 1st, 2008 at 8:19 pm
The going to the junk yard and installing it yourself is the best part. In Texas thats what I wish everyone would do!
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:12 am
I was shopping with my 3 children about 23 years ago at Katherine’s Stout Shoppe, yes, STOUT shoppe, which I wasn’t happy to be at. It was hotter that Helloooo. We were all exhaused the air in the car wouldn’t work. I started the car up, put it in forward, drove into the car parked front of me in. By that time I was in tears. I had my 8 year old daughter go into the store and ask the lady who owned the car to please come out I had bumped the front of her car. The store was the only store, I was parked right in front and I was in tears, with the other 2 kids screaming and I could see my daughter. There wasn’t another car in the parking lot so I knew she could find the lady easy. My daughter came back out smiling and said the lady told me to tell you “bless her heart honey, tell your mom not to worry about it, my car has so many dents another want make a difference”. I cried harder as I returned the ladies wave on my way home.
September 2nd, 2008 at 7:28 pm
annakat — Oh, my dear. What a story! I’m so pleased it ended the way it did and what a wonderful woman to have waved it off. I emailed your comment to a couple moms I know who have been in situations like that. And isn’t it incredible you remember it vividly after so many years? I’m sure that woman’s kindness stayed with you a very long time. Thanks for sharing your story.
September 15th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
wow that’s to bad but don’t worry every one has there moments when they screw up and yours just happens to be when going in and out of out garage