Two of my favorite things: Christmas and bacon. Does it get any better?
Now Dasher! Now Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and BACON!
Note: The whole ensemble was crushed up, tossed in Thanksgiving stuffing, baked and enjoyed. Rudolph, we hardly knew ye!
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A hamster I know is having a terrible time of things. His name is Seamus (pronounced SHAY-mus). See, he used to live in this house until yesterday.
It was a rockin’ awesome house. A colorful, activity-filled pad that made him the envy of all his friends. Seamus used to have notorious parties there. The bass-thumping, booze-flowing kind, and a rave or two. The cops came once, but they couldn’t arrest anyone because they didn’t have handcuffs tiny enough.
Seamus’ owner decided that this cage was too hard to clean, and so I joined her on a trip to SuperPetz, where she picked out a new cage that was easier to maintain.
Seamus got an Extreme Home Makeover. And not the good kind. This is Seamus’ house now:
* Not Seamus
See how it’s a piece of crap? See how Seamus’ mother doesn’t love him anymore? Even though it’s been explained to him that the downturn in the economy is not the reason he was moved out of his condo and into slum housing, he’s having a hard time understanding.
Don’t worry, Seamus. I’m calling PETA in the morning.
—-
Humor-bloggers love their pets.
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I met with a client today to clean a virus from his computer. As I worked on his laptop, he mentioned he saw me earlier in the day.
I asked when.
He said “This morning, when you were parking your car.”
“Oh, I didn’t see you. Where were you?” I asked.
“I was behind you,” he replied. “I recognized your hair.”
OK, so now not only do I have a big fat head, but that head is now identifiable from behind, by its hair.
Apparently I have a Weird Al Yankovic thing going on, with a touch of Don King. It’s what every woman wants.
——
Every time you click the smiley, I get a good hair day.
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This will be a short post, as I was out very late last night at a dinner engagement. We were still being served food at 11:30PM, which means I’m very tired and bloated at the moment. I considered it marathon training for Thanksgiving dinner.
Here’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for AND the moment I missed because I was shoving pecan pie down my gullet.
The Junk Drawer’s 10,000th commenter was ……..
ImitationAngel !!!!
For winning The Junk Drawer Comment Extravaganza, ImitationAngel receives a Junk Drawer magnet, mug and mousepad, as well as a mug or mousepad with her blog’s logo on it. She’ll also receive a $20 Amazon e-gift card.
Thanks for all your comments leading up to the big moment! I could feel the frenzy by late afternoon and it was great fun wondering who the lucky winner would be.
I considered trying to get out of the dinner by explaining that I had to stay home to blogsit. But I’m not sure that reason would have gone over well with the host.
Don’t worry, though. I plan to staple myself to a chair for comment #20,000. I’m not missing that!
Thanks again everyone, and enjoy your Sunday!
—–
Now I’m workin’ on 10,000 smilies at Humor-Blogs.com!
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Stinky doesn’t want you to forget about the chance to win cool prizes. And I want to make sure you know it’s possible we’ll reach the magic number this weekend. Please don’t miss the window of opportunity.
Cancel your life for a while if you have to. Just be there at #9,999!
UPDATE: I removed the counter since we’re getting so close. The removal of the counter ensures that no one will really know when we hit 10,000 and we can keep the winning comment truly random.
***** The Winner’s Circle *****
The latest winners of the Random Comment Picked-by-My-Husband Contest are:
From the last post, comment #42, Karen of A Strange Life Revisited.
From the post before, comment #84, Gandalf and Grayson.
Congratulations on winning a Junk Drawer magnet! I’ll be in touch with both of you shortly.
——–
One final thing, I’m tired of hanging out in the basement of Humor-Blogs.com, so if you click this link and smiley me, it might get me up to the first floor where all the cool kids hang out.
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In a previous post, I made mention of getting my head stuck in a wrought iron fence when I was a kid about the age you see me pictured here. All of my memories of it come from the memories of family members who repeatedly bring up the story at holiday and other gatherings. Always when there are enough people around to hear the story and laugh at me.
Yeah, well. I’m having serious doubts that this event ever took place. Why? Because my own mother can’t remember the details. And neither can my one of my sisters who’s a little older than me and likely was there when it supposedly happened.
I think this has all been made-up so that, as the last born child in our family, there will be always something to ridicule me about ’til the day I die. Stop picking on me already!
The story goes that I was playing around on this porch. I got the idea to shove my head through the fence (the fence at the top, not on the steps) and then couldn’t pull it back out.
It’s been said that the fire department had to come rescue me and that they had to cut out one of the rods to make enough room to release me. Indeed, one of the rods was missing for years. But something tells me that it fell out or was taken out for some other reason and that this whole story was concocted to validate my lifelong suspicion that I have a gigantic freak head.
So what is it, my dear siblings? Did I really get my head stuck in a fence, or has this been a 40 year joke at my expense? Was there some truth to it, but over the years it gathered steam? I call bullsh*t on the fire department showing up.
I’d appreciate if you didn’t tell the story again at Thanksgiving. I can withhold pie, you know.
p.s. If that picture doesn’t prove I’ve been a cranky pants my whole life, nothing does.
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My husband and I attended a wedding yesterday at a ski resort. On the way to the ceremony venue, we passed this sign near the ski rental shop.
It killed me to see it hanging from a ceiling, because if it had been hanging on a wall where I could reach it, I’d have pulled out my lipstick and corrected it.
I know. I have a disease. Pity me.
It’s sep-A-rate, people! And “an pole?” An pole??? And why is “Rack” capitalized?! What’s so special about the rack? Please tell me this sort of thing bothers other people.
I mean, if you’re going to the trouble to make a giant sign, what’s the harm in running the text through a word processor or at least having two people check it for spelling? Drives. Me. Insane.
******* The Winner’s Circle *******
Today’s Comment Extravaganza winner is Bryan of Philly Today! My husband picked a random comment (#37) from yesterday’s post and his number came up. Congratulations, Bryan, on winning a Junk Drawer magnet. I’ll be in touch soon.
Babs Beetle joins Bryan in the winner’s circle by correctly guessing that the What’s That? Saturday mystery item is the stopper for a hot water bottle. Congratulations, Babs!
I’m pleased that only a few of you guessed correctly. It’s my goal to post an item that no one can guess. I’m getting wicked better at it!
Don’t forget — have your trigger fingers ready for the 10,000th comment! It might come sooner than you think.
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I knew when I started the What’s That? Wednesday series, I figured there’d be times when I’d forget to post one on Wednesday. As it’s turning out, not only do I not always have an item for a Wednesday, I feel like posting one on Saturday. I’m scattered like that.
So here goes, your weekend version of What’s That? Wednesday:
How it works:
1. The photo shows a small portion of a larger object.
2. First person to guess the object it’s a part of wins either 500 Entrecard credits or a Junk Drawer magnet, your choice.
What’s That?
Today also brings us our first Comment Extravaganza winner, Bernie O’Hare! In my last post, I wrote that my husband would pick a random comment from each post leading up to my blog reaching its 10,000th comment. The winner receives a Junk Drawer magnet. Dave picked #23.
Bernie runs a very popular political blog called Lehigh Valley Ramblings. He stumbled onto my blog through the blog of newspaper columnist Bill White, who mentioned The Junk Drawer. When Bernie spotlighted my post about grade school memories almost a year ago today, it gave my readership a nice shot in the arm and I’ve never forgotten what that did for me.
I share this history with you because it illustrates how much sheer luck is involved in growing your blog. If Bill White hadn’t mentioned me, Bernie never would have found me and then a year later he wouldn’t have suggested me to our regional paper to be a member of Valley Blogosphere. I’m eternally grateful for the new exposure, both in print and online.
So if you’re a struggling blogger and you think no one’s reading you, don’t give up. Keep writing your best stuff and you never know when someone with influence will find you and give you a boost. It can come from anywhere, anytime. Be ready for it.
CONTEST CLOSED. We have a winner!
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A lot of blogs kick my giant butt in search engine optimization (SEO). Indeed, I get only a small percentage of visitors from search results.
But what I lack in those kinds of visits, I more than make up for with a loyal following and a healthy amount of comments, and that makes me happier than a pig in poop. Oink!
Comments are the life blood of my blog. I write, you comment, I jettison coffee out my nose reading what you have to say. That’s how it works.
My sidebar displays a live comment counter, and as you can see, we’re reaching quite a milestone — 10,000 comments!
So what shall we do about that? How about a Junk Drawer contest to beat all other contests?
To whoever leaves the 10,000th comment*, you will receive:
A Junk Drawer mug, suitable for any beverage or for putting under a spotlight on your mantle.
A Junk Drawer mouse pad, because mice want to click in style.
A Junk Drawer magnet that your fridge will appreciate.
A $20 Amazon gift card. Money good.
A mug or mouse pad with YOUR blog’s logo on it.
In case you’re worried that the 10,000th comment will be left in the middle of the night and you’ll miss your opportunity, I’m also offering chances to win a magnet with your logo or mine, your choice.
Until we hit the magic number, my husband Dave will choose one random comment** from new posts (including this one). I’ll give him the total amount of comments for each and he’ll pick a random number. I’ll take the final total as soon as I put up another new post.
I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you guys keep coming back for whatever it is you find entertaining here and stop long enough to chat about it. It’s what makes The Junk Drawer what it is today. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Give yourselves a hand and watch that counter!
* Spam comments are not recorded in the counter.
** Resist the urge to leave a million comments because it’ll disqualify you.
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Here is a flower arrangement that my husband sent me to work on our wedding anniversary last week.
It’s a lot like another one he sent me that had thin branches jutting out of it, one of which almost took out an eye when I got too close.
I do not know how or if I’ll get it in my car to bring it home.
When I’m working at my desk, its appendages seem to move in my peripheral vision and it scares me.
It’s near impossible to water because it’s jam-packed at the vase neck. And the cat’s in the way.
And while we’re on the cat, I swear its eyes follow me around my cube.
If I’m not mistaken, a flower arrangement is supposed to make me happy, not freak me out.
A little smaller next time, dear. And not so horror movie. I promise I’ll appreciate the gesture just as much.
I’m pretty sure it can strangle me when I’m not looking.
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I’m happy to announce the winner of this week’s What’s That? Wednesday contest. New reader, ethanator1088 of PWNED Video, was the first to guess correctly that it’s the strike plate of a stapler. Congratulations! As the prize winner, you have your choice of 500 Entrecard credits or a Junk Drawer magnet. I’ll contact you shortly.
Because Shieldmaiden96 of Dispatches from the Northern Outpost guessed further that it was the Swingline model 545, she can have a magnet, too. I’m equally scared and impressed that she knew that.
Now, I decided to close the contest a little early because of the flood of stapler guesses. So what you’re all saying is that these are too easy, right? I’ll have you know that the photos are reviewed by my husband and, this time, my sister and niece, who said “Oh, that’s too hard.” Clearly not.
Since you guys are so smart, the next one will be impossible to guess. Do you hear me? IMPOSSIBLE!
Today’s post also includes an update on our Windy, stuck in the tree for 228 days now. I took this video out on the roof of my building.
If you watch carefully at the end, you can see that Windy was a little embarrassed by being a Walmart bag, knowing how much most of us hate them, and she covered up her name. It’s OK, Windy. We forgive you.
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Here ya go, folks! Another installment of What’s That? Wednesday.
How it works:
1. The photo shows a small portion of a larger object.
2. First person to guess the object it’s a part of wins either 500 Entrecard credits or a Junk Drawer magnet, your choice.
3. Guesses accepted until 6AM EST Friday, November 7. If no one gets it by then, a prize will be awarded as soon as someone does.
Really super helpful information: I realize it looks like a face if viewed standing on your head. That it looks like a face has nothing to do with the object. I didn’t photograph it right-side up OR upside-down. The thing doesn’t have an up or down. Well, it kinda has both. Oh, nevermind.
There now, didn’t that help?
What the heck is it?
CONTEST CLOSED: So many of you guessed correctly that it’s the strike plate of a stapler! I announce the winner here. Keep in mind, the next one will be much, much harder to guess!
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What’s on Kathy’s mind today?
To my best good friend, Tracey, who threw her back out lifting an object she could have thrown over her head twenty years ago, I’m sorry for your injury, but you’re old now. Welcome to the club.
To the guy who called me today and left his phone number at lightning speed, I didn’t get it. I had to listen to your message three times because you sounded like you had a mouth full of marbles. If you’re leaving me your number, it’s because you know I don’t have it. Slow the hell down.
To my colleague, Heather. Thank you for making a pot of coffee every day before I come into the office. You don’t even drink coffee. You’re good people.
To my cat, Lucky, who insists on burrowing under a blanket on the couch for whatever reason. I do not know you are there. Learn how to make a warning noise or you shall require a visit to the vet to get unflattened. And I’m not so sure they have a procedure for that.
To my other cat, Stinky, who just walked across my laptop keyboard, you know that screws me up, right?
To daylight savings time, you suck. I feel like changing into my pajamas before I even leave work.
To whoever thought of putting bread in a thin bag and then thought to put it in another bag, that’s just stupid. Trust us. It goes stale as fast in two bags as it does in one. One is less annoying.
To that guy who darted unsafely in and out of my lane this morning, it gave me great pleasure to time my speed such that you never got back into the lane and then missed the exit you wanted so bad. Me, 1. Jerks, 0.
And there you have it. Anything on your mind today? The more random, the better.
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To get away from Bob of Survivor. People kept confusing them for twins and the chicken was insulted.
Dude, eat something. Anything. Grass, bugs, another contestant. Something.
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